Sometimes it Seems the Distance is Too Much

More I Miss You Comments


I am in a long distance relationship.

It's nothing new to me. My last 3 have been long distance. Seems like whenever I'm single, the availability of a new relationship at home is not feasible.

LDR's aren't easy, no matter how badly you both want it to be. There are times when you think you can't deal with it anymore and you just want to quit. Then you remember the good times and you realize you aren't willing to give those up.

I'm having a not so good day today. I just saw him Halloween weekend.

It wasn't long enough.

I spent my time with other people. Don't get me wrong, I had a ball. Really enjoyed myself and got to see him a couple of times, but it wasn't the amount of time I was used to seeing him and because it was a full weekend, neither of us were very well rested.

Today that hit me hard. I woke up not wanting to really talk to anyone. See, most of my friends live in the area he lives and talking to any of them, reminds me of him. I just wasn't up for it. I turned my phone off and really haven't turned it on much since.

I needed to make a couple of phone calls, so I turned it on, called, finished and turned it off again.

I spent some alone time. Just me and my camera. I'd been wanting to go take pictures of the fall foilage and it wasn't too cold, so today was the day.

I didn't even watch football today.

I hear my Bears won. I'll brag about it tomorrow.

I found a song about LDR's. It's a pretty song and I agree with many of the lyrics, but I don't want to give up my LDR. We have our challenges, but we handle them very well. For that, I'm thankful.



In case you read this, I love you babe.

I'm out. A bubble bath is calling my name.

A Sunny Day

It's been a crazy two weeks...

I had strep throat last week on top of what happened.

I know I still haven't really given any details and I won't. I will say that my cousin is progressing. Still keep him in his prayers as he recovers.

Thank you to those who are genuinely concerned and have been praying for him and supporting our family.

Everyone else? Kick rocks. With open toed sandals. LOL

Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

Today's post is a rather angry one.

The past few days have been hard.

My 13 year old and I had a loooong travel day on Monday and I was starting to feel bad. I woke up Tuesday to a sore throat that I knew would turn into Strep and news that there had been an unfortunate incident, involving a close cousin.

I won't go into details because I'm still trying to put things together in my head.

Those who are closest to me know what happened.

What has irritated the hell out of me though and helped me to understand the rich and famous, when they release the statement "the family wishes to deal with things and want the public to respect their privacy" was nosey ass people.

I KNOW. Trust me, I know.

Before I even had the whole story, I had people (not just people, but people who I haven't heard from in months or years for some) calling me NOT asking if my cousin was ok, but starting off with "Is it true?". How fucking rude!

Well I refused to talk about it, mostly because it was just swirling in my head, not even making sense to me, but also because I know that if these people had the opportunity to talk to my cousin about things, he would tell them to mind their own business.

I understand that people are concerned and all, but to bombard family with calls and being nosey is NOT the biz and I'm not giving up any details, just say a prayer.

I actually stopped answering my phone and I was screening calls and got tricked when someone used another friend's phone. Not only did that person try to talk over me when I said I wasn't talking about it, but they called back twice after I hung up on them. Once from the friend's phone and again from their work phone.

C'mon Son! Respect the frickin' family. Give us space.

What you'll get out of me? He is doing as well as expected and is expected to recover. Anything else you want to know? Take your nosey ass to him when he's able.

Something On My Mind

October 31, 2010

Today is the last day of the blog challenge. I'm wrting from my phone because I'm away from a computer. I've enjoyed blogging again and plan to keep writing, just perhaps not every day.

Thank you so much for being with me through this and Happy Halloween!

Where the Mean Girls Are

On Facebook.

I get a chuckle at some of the people who request my friendship connection of Facebook.

Some of them, mostly women, I have not one positive memory of any interaction with them.

Either they were too good to talk or hang out with the poor girl who didn't ever have anything name brand (except for that one pair of Lee jeans).

I remember being teased for wearing highwaters. The dumbass didn't even call them right. She called them hee haws. I still knew what she meant.

I remember two girls that used to sit behind me at choir practice. They would pull my hair and call me horse hair. I think it's funny that they're both avid weave wearers now.

A couple others who when they addressed me, would always precede it with fat. Fat this, fat that, she's so fat that...

All have sent invites. A couple of them I accepted, just to see what these loser chicks grew up to be.

Very basically, with the exception of two, I have noticed were grandmothers before 40.

One has found the Lord. One has made a lifestyle of working for fast food places. I thought it interesting that at one time she worked at Burger King, a daughter was at Hardee's (Carl Jr's) and another daughter was at McDonald's.

Of course these women have skewered reflections of who we were to each other. They sound like we were always best friends. I haven't compelled to say anything to them about the past or what I make of the present. It's not important to me.

Some time between the times they made fun of me and now, I developed an "I don't care" attitude and I really don't.

That's big for me. I used to carry it all around with me and it would come out at the most inopportune times.

*SHRUG*

I don't know. I guess it does bother me at times, but not because of what they said. It bothers me because of how I let it affect me.

I wonder if any of them will read this and recognize herself?

Anywho. I'm on vacation and this is all you get today. Sorry.

Don't Believe In Miracles?

I was thumbing through an old photo album not too long ago and I came across some pictures that reminded me that if I should thank the Lord every day for no other reason, it should be for allowing me to walk away from this van...yes an ASTRO VAN!

I remember a few years ago someone in my Sunday School class said that Jesus didn't
perform miracles in modern days, only in the days of the bible. Let me tell you what I told him.......

It was a cold November Sunday morning in 1995, and I'd decided to ride with my mother to her newly appointed church in Godfrey, IL. We were having dinner after church so we had a crock pot, some pyrex dishes and a few canned items in the
back.

I'd decided we had gotten up waaaay too early, so I looked at my son in the back seat and he looked uncomfortable, so I took him out of his seat belt and let him lay on the seat. I don't know why he wasn't in a car seat, maybe they weren't enforcing them back then. Anyway, I remember seeing snow starting to blow across the highway (we were traveling I-55 South) and we were coming up on Litchfield, which meant I
had enough time to catch a cat nap.

The last thing I saw before I reclined my seat was another Springfield pastor
whose church was in nearby Alton, go flying past. I remember thinking that his tires couldn't even be really touching the ground.

I lay my seat back and closed my eyes and almost immediately I heard my mom say “Oh Lord!” The next thing I remember was thinking “We’re rolling. When will it stop?”

It seemed like we rolled 4 or 5 times. I don’t really know how many, but I know that when we stopped I was upside down.

I mean as soon as I opened my eyes, there was a woman poking her head in the window saying “I’m a nurse, can I take your vitals?” “Is anyone hurt?” Then it hit me
that my son was in the van somewhere and I didn’t hear him. So I started screaming his name and his little head popped down from under me, which was now on top of me.

I pulled him down and the woman took him out the window and wrapped him in a blanket as she checked him out.

I called my mom, I don’t remember why I couldn’t see her because she was next to me, but she didn’t say anything and I started freaking out. To this day I don’t know how I got out of the van, but the next thing I remember is sitting in a man’s car with my son while the fire department used the “Jaws of Life” to cut my mom out of
the van.

When the ambulances got on the scene, they put me on a stretcher and put my son and I in one and took us to the hospital. I’d always heard Litchfield referred to and
Lynchville, so I wasn’t comfortable at all going to their hospital. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I was examined, x-rayed, poked and prodded for hours. I didn’t know where my son was and a state trooper was kind enough to come and let me know that my mother had been
extracted from the van and also being examined. Then he handed me a can of peaches. Yes, peaches! He’d found it in the grass near the accident and at that time he told
me something I’ll never forget. Be mindful of the things you carry in your car because in an accident, something as innocent as a can of peaches can become a weapon.

I kept telling the people examining me that my vision was blurry in my right eye. They checked it, gave me eye drops and checked again and it still didn’t clear up. They concentrated on picking shards of glass out of my leg. My leg was crossed when I laid back. When they finished, I was asked how I felt. I told them I felt ok, but that my vision was still blurry.

They dilated my right eye and put some special fluorescent drops in it and turned out the lights. They shined some special light on it and discovered a shard of glass right in my iris. I don’t remember what happened next, I just know they removed it.

By this time a nurse brought my son in to see me. Lo and behold, in this so-called all white prejudiced town, here comes my son on the hip of a black nurse and bragging about all the jello and green beans he’d eaten.

The nurse assured me that they’d found nothing wrong with him in his exam and that he was entertaining the nurse’s station. (What a surprise.)

About that time my dad and uncle came in to my room and said they’d been to the place where the car was towed and got all the information my mom would need for the insurance.

They’d gotten our purses out and took pictures for insurance purposes (my uncle was a former state trooper and knew all these things would be needed).

We waited and waited and when it was over and done with, my mom had several stitches, a bunch of cuts and a funky new set of bangs.

Turns out that when I was calling her, she was passed out. When she came to, we were already out of the van. Skeptic about seatbelts? If she hadn’t had her seatbelt on, she’d have likely been under the van because her fingertips were pinned under and so was the front of her hair, hence the new hairstyle.

It also turns out that my son NOT being in a belt is probably what saved him (well I know it was the LORD who saved him) but logistically, he fell under my reclined seat
and when we were rolling, he was safely kept between the seat and the floor.

Turns out when we finally stopped, we were upside down on a median just yards away from the northbound traffic.

We were given some real good painkillers and released.

Anyone who’s been in an accident knows that when you wake up the next day, you don’t recognize yourself. You are one big walking bruise. By the way, when you buy a used vehicle, make sure the air bags work. These didn’t, so when we flipped it was the seatbelts that held us in place and every place the belt touched was a bruise. We looked like Big Sal had taken us out back to rough us up. Mom had 2 black eyes,
just looked beat down (shaking my head).

All this to say, that even when I wasn’t actively seeking the Lord, He had his angels of mercy all around me.

FYI-angels are NOT the cutesy lil naked babies or beautiful golden hair, white winged beings society says they are. Read any story in the bible about angels speaking or showing themselves to someone, they always say "Do Not Fear" or
"Don’t Be Afraid". Don't believe in angels? That’s a whole ‘nother blog post.

Just wanted to share how I’ve been blessed.