Sista, It Ain't Always The Brothas: Sometimes It's You

*stepping up on my soapbox and adjusting the mic*

It is still largely a secret to most, exactly what all I've experienced in the way of relationships. Some of it pretty, a lot of it not.

One thing I pride myself on, is not being the bitter sista who takes it out on every other man she crosses.

I know women who have dogged their sons out, just because they reminded them of their Daddy. That's BS.

If your Daddy did something to you, don't take it out on your date. If your babydaddy did something, don't take it out on your son. If your brother did something, don't take it out on your neighbor.

Let that shit lie right where it was created. In that person. Taking it out on everyone else just makes you a bitter, miserable woman that no one wants to deal with.

Another thing, own up to your place in things. It isn't often that a bad situation is created by one person alone. If you've participated in no other way other than settling, share the blame.

I know this sista who could find blame in the brothas anywhere. I mean just dog em any and every chance she got.

I bet she could find a way to (illogically) blame brothas for a blue sky. Well I got reeeeal tired of it one day.

We were at church and she was on a rant, blaming everything on the black (I'm not typing african american 50-11 times) man, when I stopped her mid-sentence.

*sidebar* See, the older I get, the worse I get with this thing of saying exactly what I'm thinking. I can't even control it sometimes. I'll think something and only until the person I'm facing, registers shock, do I realize that I've said it out loud. I've told folks to shut it. To stop lying. Stuff like that.

Anyway in mid rant, I told her that if I were any of the men of the church (who she'd call on for help, quite often), I wouldn't even speak to her and in fact, I'd be offended, so she either needed to apologize and shut up or stop asking them for help. Of course an argument ensued.

Yes, I argued at church. I might have even cussed. You know what else I did though? I shut her up. Yeah. She got to blaming black men for the shortage of married black women and was going on and on with some mess. Mid-sentence, I reminded her that since I'd known her, she'd only dated one african american man. Her history was primarily with Nigerian men, a totally different culture. She needed to recognize that her problem was in the type of man she was choosing. She needed to step back, shut up and re-evaluate the things she said and did.

Recognize that if you keep having the same type of relationships, that you're doing the same kinds of things and if you want different, YOU make a change.

Now that I think about it, I haven't heard her dog the brothas out for a long time.

Heffa's still bitter though.



*steps down, stomps foot, yells "Sexual Chocolate", drops the mic and walks off*