When Something Isn't Right....

Now that I'm back in writing mode, you're liable to get 2-3 posts a day, so I apologize in advance...

Last night my Multiply password miraculously popped into my head and I spent a few hours reading posts from Creole Masala and Renee "Nae" Williams, two dear friends of mine who have gone on to glory...I cried, I laughed and I looked up some of you that I didn't know back then.

It's crazy that we still had a mutual friend, but it just wasn't our time to connect. You're about to meet the me that Dante first connected with. I pride myself in being the same basic person, just having grown in some areas.

I read through a lot of my blog posts and am SO thankful that I'm not that person anymore, but there were posts that showed me how strong I am too. It doesn't seem like it to me because I don't dwell on it, but I've been through A LOT. I will be re-posting some of those in the next days in hopes that they help others to understand that they are not alone in some experiences.

I warn you that I am raw and you may not agree with some things, but hey, it's my blog...

The following is a re-post from December 2007. As far as I've come, I still feel this way. God hasn't pressed me to change, so it isn't my time.

I may be wrong as two left feet for this, but I've been avoiding an old friend of mine like the plague.

It's been almost a year now. I really feel bad about it, but I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can handle it or if I even want to.

Let me start from the beginning...This girl and I became friends in 7th-8th grade. We only hung out at school and talked on the phone because her dad (who was a drug dealer at the time) was never home and my momma didn't play that.

We kinda hung out at school through freshman year, when she got pregnant. We were still friends, but she was all wrapped up in this guy and he and I had a serious hate/hate relationship from childhood.

She had her baby and even called me from the delivery room to tell me so (that was before it was "cute" to have a baby. You still lost friends back then).

After she had the baby, she transferred schools and eventually moved.

Almost 20 years passed before I'd see her again. When I do, she's had 5 more children, by I'm not sure how many fathers and is living in New York. She comes by and basically brags about her family her wonderful husband and in mid-visit flips the switch and talks about the marital problems she's having.

I do a mental double-take and don't say anything, but now I'm looking at her crazy because she's gone flipmode in a matter of minutes. After a few hours of this, she leaves. I don't hear from her again for almost 2 years.

This year an unfamiliar number keeps showing up on my caller ID and no message is left. I don't return these kinds of calls because if it's not important enough to leave a message, well, for all I know, it could be a wrong number.

One day my then 10 year old comes home with a little piece of paper with a phone number on it. The number on my caller ID. A little girl in his class said her aunt wants me to call her. I put two and two together and figure out it's her.

At this time, I'm feeling pretty bad physically and when I'm like that, I just want to be alone to deal with it by myself, so I don't call.

A few weeks later, I run into the girl's grandmother who tells me that my friend has been diagnosed as being severely Bipolar. She's been in a mental hospital for months and refuses to take her medication. She calls folks and tries to get them to help her get out and ends up cursing them out when they don't do what she wants them to do.

I ran into a mutual friend who had talked to her several times. She said that it upsets her so much each time they talk because she's just not her old self.

Now I have no problems with physical disabilities. I don't do well with mental disorders, so I've avoided her at all costs.

Well, I ran into her dad over the weekend and he tells me that she's been released from the hospital and is getting her own place.

Am I wrong for still not wanting to deal with her?

Later, after discussing her condition with mutual friends, I decided that I'd made the right move in not dealing with her.

In 2011, she's gotten so bad that her kids and family don't really deal with her, but she's wise enough to put on an act that things are "normal" for now.

Unfortunately there WILL come a time that she will no longer be able to fake it and because she refuses to take her meds regularly, it won't be pretty. I just continue to pray for her...