Girlfriends/Da Kween

I don't have many. Never have. Why? I never seem to find any completely trustworthy ones.

Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few I can call and kick it with, but only a very select few that I consider my inner circle. I call them SiStars. Even within my SiStar Circle, there are two who I speak with on a regular and trust with my innermost thoughts.

They are the two that really "get" me. They know some of the methods to my madness. They know what happens when I've been pissed off, without being on the receiving end of it. They know how, when things (i.e. my living sitch, my relationship, my jobs, my health, my tattoo) look one way from the outside, how they really are on the inside.

They don't take the innermost info we talk about and turn around and gossip about it to the next person, like some girlfriends do.

We didn't become girlfriends because we got into it first and became friends after we got into it. We didn't become friends because we were screwing the same guy and found out. We didn't become friends because either of us was a former FB (<---not Facebook) of a guy and one of us was a present one and a friendship was forged to get the "inside" scoop.

We just starting crossing paths and the more we talked, the closer we became. I appreciate them. They love me when I'm right. They love me when I'm wrong and vice versa. We know when we really need each other and we know when to step back. When other chicks think I'm stupid, they know there's either a method to my madness or there's an underlying sitch and I want things to appear otherwise.

Truth is that as much as I open here or on FB, these two are the ONLY ones who really know what's going on. So if any fakies are reading, you tricks only know what I want you to think, you don't have to wonder what will happen when the "truth" comes out or when the shit hits the floor. YOU ARE THE SHOW *settling with more popcorn and drinks*. (<---not so subliminal message from runteldat.com)

You already met my BF Harmony. Now you get to meet my other BF Da Kween.

Da Kween, like Harmony, is very artistic. Moreso than a lot of people I know.

Da Kween is artistic in the kitchen, on the computer, with photography, in writing poetry and stories. She also has a depth of someone subhuman. I won't elaborate, but if you're good friends with her, you know exactly how.

Da Kween and I became friends through an ex. We started talking a lot when he and I were together and when we broke up, we never stopped.

Da Kween and I share a very strong bond. We're born under the same sign and have almost identical personalities. If she's going through something, I can feel it, hundreds of miles away and if I'm going through something I haven't talked about, within days, she's calling and asking me why she is feeling the way she is. It's one of the most unique friendships I've ever had and I love her to life.

You can read some of Kween's talented work at http://thepoeticbutterfly.blogspot.com/

100 Words: Harmony

Harmony is my best friend.

She and I met through an ex-boyfriend. We have been friends since 2007.

Harmony is the only best friend that I have had in my adult life. I have told her things about me that I almost didn’t even want to admit to myself.

We met at her family reunion and I fell in love with her whole family. Last year she came to visit me and finally met mine.

My dad can’t say her name without singing, LOL. Harrr-Mo-Nyyyy!

I was excited that our families blend so well.

I’m going to see her Friday.

Quite Random

It's was a bittersweet weekend...

Friday night I went to a comedy show and realized that there's no way in hell I could ever be a cougar...well, maybe I could date someone in their 30's, but 20's? HELL NO!! What the 20 something crowd sees as comedy and what I see as comedy are two completely different things!

What 20 something girls my size wear and what my 40 something self wears? TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS!!! O_o I've seen more near booty/coochie sightings than I ever need to see in life!

I only stayed to support my guy Keeb...

I was tired when it ended (it was midnight and I'm used to being in bed by 9 on Friday night, LOL), but my Dad was in the ER, so I went up to be with him. He insisted I didn't go, but I let him think I'd agreed with him, but I knew he was going to be up there for hours, so I waited til I thought he was good and bored.

We took turns dozing off until about 3:45 am, when they released him with a script for Ibuprofen O_O.

Saturday was a beautiful day...too bad I didn't get in bed until 4 and I missed the whole morning.

I had intentions of going to church Sunday, but the hard chairs in the ER did a number on my already hurting hip. After a couple of hot showers and an Aleve, I was able to move around pretty well, so I went to visit my grandmother.

I have been blessed in my lifetime to know three great grandmothers. I still have one (I think she's 99 this year) and this is her daughter. They've always gotten around pretty well, so to see them not in the past couple years has been hard.

To see this grandma down was really hard for my boys too. She had a stroke and starts rehab today. It's up to her, how badly she wants to rehabilitate.

A stroke doesn't necessarily mean the end of anything. My Dad had 2, several years ago and was in the hospital for 39 days. He went home in a wheelchair, unable to do much of anything alone.

Today he cuts grass, drives, bathes himself. Pretty much does most things he could always do, just not as fast. It was because HE didnt't give up when he couldn't do things. He asked for God's help and did what he could and expected God to do the rest.


Oh and though the pic above is off the net, there was a whole lotta that going on!

Friends and Fighting

Yesterday on Facebook, someone posted a stat that said something like "I didn't know that when people came of age, they still didn't want their friends speaking to someone they'd fallen out with".

I kind of chuckled about it, but it's stayed on my mind all night and I realized that there's a lot of truth to that statement and I've been thinking about why.

I've come to the conclusion that it's not so much "You're supposed to be my friend and I'm mad at him/her, so I don't want you to talk to them!" as it is "You're my friend and I've told you some things about that person, so if you're all chummy with them now, can I still trust you?"

I took a look at some of the "friend break ups" I've had and depending on what someone has done, I have left them alone altogether after they fell out with a mutual friend.

One friendship in particular, two of my friends fell out. I remained friends with them both, but one of them took on a real ugly persona, that was a turn off to me. I still speak to her occasionally, but I really don't care for the person she's revealed herself to be.

Am I wrong for that? I don't think so. I admit that when I first learned what was going on between the two of them, it made me take a closer look at the things she did, but she earned it all on her own.

I don't like to see people I'm close to being mistreated and I take it personally. I mean if they'll treat them like that, who's to stop them from treating me the same way? Why give them the chance? I've never been real good with the girlfriend thing anyway.

I thought of past friendships where I fell out with someone. I don't think (correct me if I'm wrong) that I "required" anyone to stop dealing with someone just because I did. Now what I DO admit to doing is if someone knew the details and they started hanging with that person even more than before, it made me question their loyalty as a friend to me. I mean like I said, can I really trust them?

I don't know, it's all so high school...isn't it?

100 Words: Haters

Some say there is no such thing as haters. That’s a lie. There is always someone who doesn’t want you to succeed; hates when you shine; gets out of sorts when they see your name. You make them even more insecure because they aren’t you.

I have had a hater or two in my lifetime. They made it their business to play on my insecurities and I used to let them. Now it just makes me angry.

Since I’m working on my anger, I’ll just say keep trying, but you will never be me, you can only try coming close.

Assholes and Idiots

I try to stay to myself, I really do...I don't like bullies or people who pick at other people or people who try to insert themselves in my life, when I want to eliminate them. Relatives included.

When I want to be left alone, I want to be left alone.

I can so identify with my sister right now. A few years back, someone she didn't care for walked up to her and tried to hug her. She slightly turned away so they would get the hint. They didn't and kept pursuing a hug.

She finally turned her back completely to them and basically kissed the wall. I was kind of embarassed and had to tell the person that if she didn't want to talk to them, they couldn't make her. She'd have to reach a place inside herself to come to terms with that person before she could outwardly show any kind of acknowledgement.

I get it now Sis, I really do.

There is a person or two that I really wish would get the hell on with their life and leave me alone. Yet, every now and then there's a missed call or an email or such, accompanied by an "Oops, I didn't mean to" or a "Why won't you answer my calls?"

It's because I don't want to talk to you. I don't like you. I don't trust you and there's no purpose for you in my life. You've proven yourself toxic and there's no way to change things.

I'm not buying that the calls or messages were accidental. You can't bullshit a bullshitter and you can't force a Capricorn (or a Leo) to socialize with someone who has rubbed them the wrong way.

Maybe Sis and I are just evil...because if we're pushed to a certain point, we won't eff with anyone remotely close to the person(s) involved and be ok with it.

I don't mind taking on the role of asshole as long as it eliminates the idiots...

Side note: I'm not into the zodiac stuff, but I'm a Cappy and I've found that other Cappy's are very similar in personality and my sister is a Leo and I've found that she's similar in personality as several of my Leo friends, so perhaps there's some truth to it.

100 Words: The Day I Met Him

I’m sure He doesn’t even remember the day we “met”. It was at a virtual 360 party for a friend. I boldly “walked” up to Him for a slow dance, something I’d have NEVER done in real life.

I don’t even know if He noticed me before that moment, but it opened the door to what we have now.

It’s kinda funny. I thought He was a little mean back then. Someone told me He was no good. Nothing could be further from the truth.

If people could see the Him I see…but for now, I want to savor it.