Not Quite Full Circle

Here it is, 2012...

My first post of the year.

My first post since my birthday.

I had a life changing birthday.  The best I've ever had.

The day was like any other day.  I actually worked on my birthday this year. Something I never do.

The boss treated me to lunch, and we, with two other co-workers thoroughly enjoyed a soul food meal and rolled back to the office, LOL.

We have a great office to work in.  Everyone gets along, no backbiting and gossip. Very pleasant place and great boss.

Went home after work and because it was my birthday, I decided I was going to be right where I wanted to be and at 8 pm, I was in the chat room at www.urbansoulzradio.webs.com with my Urbansoulz family, kicking it. Little did I know, not only was it an end of the year show, it was an online surprise party for me.

Who does that? The Marshall and The Messenger! They have the best shows ever and know how to make someone feel special and totally loved!  I have been on Cloud 9 ever since!

After the show, I went to dialysis.  Only I got a 7 hour treatment in 4 hours and I think that, with the possibility of them taking off too much fluid, sent my body into shock and when it was time to leave, my blood pressure dropped way too low, way too fast and I lost consciousness.  When I came back to, the tech and nurse were standing over me, fear on their faces.

After all, the treatment prior, a patient went into cardiac arrest and died the next day.

When I came to, I couldn't breathe, so I asked for some oxygen.  I don't know what was going on. They oxygen was on, but oxygen wasn't getting into my body.  I didn't know what to do, so I told them to call an ambulance and I started praying.

I'm not talking about no little prim and proper prayer either.  I told them that I wouldn't be delirious, but I'd be praying in tongues so don't be afraid.  That is a deeper level of praying when you allow the Holy Spirit to take over and pray for you very specifically. I may never know what all I prayed for, but I know that while I was in the ambulance, I kept slipping and gasping for breath and I somehow knew that what was happening was bigger than just me.

I can barely describe it and most people won't believe it, but I felt a tug of war for my spirit.  Like the devil was trying to take my life and something angelic was trying to keep me there.  I know that in retrospect, I can compare it to the scene in Ghost, when the guy that got hit by a car was being summoned by death. He tried to pull away, but death took over.

Death wasn't taking me over.  I somehow remembered to praise God in the midst of trouble or sorrow and that's exactly how I was taken into the emergency room.  I had to lower my hand to even get out of the ambulance and I'd been playing gospel music on my iPhone from the time I'd opened my eyes at dialysis.

I know a lot of people say their life flashes before them, but mine didn't.  I just thought of very specific people that I love very much that I know would be devastated if I'd died. I'm not sure what that says about my feelings for them, because one of them wasn't a blood relative.  Time will reveal, I suppose.  (I hope)

I ended up getting all kinds of tests done that answered nothing. I stayed overnight in the hospital for observation and was able to go home on New Year's Day.

I've been pretty good since then.  I get tired very easily though.  I'm not used to that.  Between my best friend and my boss fussing at me, I'm learning to slow things down a lot.

This was taken after I'd been settled in my room. I know certain friends of mine are not satisfied with me just saying I'm ok. They need a visual.

Needless to say, I have a new appreciation for life and I refuse to waste it on people and things that don't encourage me or are full of negativity.

Not Quite Full Circle

Here it is, 2012...

My first post of the year.

My first post since my birthday.

I had a life changing birthday.  The best I've ever had.

The day was like any other day.  I actually worked on my birthday this year. Something I never do.

The boss treated me to lunch, and we, with two other co-workers thoroughly enjoyed a soul food meal and rolled back to the office, LOL.

We have a great office to work in.  Everyone gets a long, no backbiting and gossip. Very pleasant place and great boss.

Went home after work and because it was my birthday, I decided I was going to be right where I wanted to be and at 8 pm, I was in the chat room at www.urbansoulzradio.webs.com with my Urbansoulz family, kicking it. Little did I know, not only was it an end of the year show, it was an online surprise party for me.

Who does that? The Marshall and The Messenger! They have the best shows ever and know how to make someone feel special and totally loved!  I have been on Cloud 9 ever since!

After the show, I went to dialysis.  Only I got a 7 hour treatment in 4 hours and I think that, with the possibility of them taking off too much fluid, sent my body into shock and when it was time to leave, my blood pressure dropped way too low, way too fast and I lost consciousness.  When I came back to, the tech and nurse were standing over me, fear on their faces.

After all, the treatment prior, a patient went into cardiac arrest and died the next day.

When I came to, I couldn't breathe, so I asked for some oxygen.  I don't know what was going on. They oxygen was on, but oxygen wasn't getting into my body.  I didn't know what to do, so I told them to call an ambulance and I started praying.

I'm not talking about no little prim and proper prayer either.  I told them that I wouldn't be delirious, but I'd be praying in tongues so don't be afraid.  That is a deeper level of praying when you allow the Holy Spirit to take over and pray for you very specifically. I may never know what all I prayed for, but I know that while I was in the ambulance, I kept slipping and gasping for breath and I somehow knew that what was happening was bigger than just me.

I can barely describe it and most people won't believe it, but I felt a tug of war for my spirit.  Like the devil was trying to take my life and something angelic was trying to keep me there.  I know that in retrospect, I can compare it to the scene in Ghost, when the guy that got hit by a car was being summoned by death. He tried to pull away, but death took over.

Death wasn't taking me over.  I somehow remembered to praise God in the midst of trouble or sorrow and that's exactly how I was taken into the emergency room.  I had to lower my hand to even get out of the ambulance and I'd been playing gospel music on my iPhone from the time I'd opened my eyes at dialysis.

I know a lot of people say their life flashes before them, but mine didn't.  I just thought of very specific people that I love very much that I know would be devastated if I'd died. I'm not sure what that says about my feelings for them, because one of them wasn't a blood relative.  Time will reveal, I suppose.  (I hope)

I ended up getting all kinds of tests done that answered nothing. I stayed overnight in the hospital for observation and was able to go home on New Year's Day.

I've been pretty good since then.  I get tired very easily though.  I'm not used to that.  Between my best friend and my boss fussing at me, I'm learning to slow things down a lot.

Publish Post

This was taken after I'd been settled in my room. I know certain friends of mine are not satisfied with me just saying I'm ok. They need a visual.

Why?

It's a question we hear a lot if we have children. It's a question a lot of people ask God.

I briefly thought of asking Him last night, but I don't know if I really want to know, it doesn't matter. It won't bring this friend back.

I went to dialysis last night as I normally do.  I'd just been chilling, listening to music instead of tv.  Of course I was listening to Urbansoulz radio.

The lights had been turned out and most of the patients were asleep.

I noticed ahead of me, that (my favorite) tech was talking to the guy who had spoken to me earlier.  He was just out of my view, but across the room from me. I paid no attention at first, then I heard her call his name several times. I never heard him answer though. She said his name repeatedly and finally yelled for the nurse on duty.

Sometimes on dialysis, a person's blood pressure gets too low and they basically pass out. I thought this was what had happened. Soon I could see what looked like chest compressions. Then I got concerned.

I prayed.

Then I saw a defib machine. I prayed some more.

I thought man, I'm gonna give him a hard time when he comes in next time, causing all this trouble.

See, this was one of the first guys I dialyzed with, ever.  Three years we'd talked football trash.

Somehow though, after the fire department came in and took over, I wasn't looking at them working on my friend, I was looking at them working on my son's father.

It was the exact scene, just 14 years later.  Soon it was the fire department and the EMT's.  Everyone was scurrying around, doing everything they could to get a response.

I went back and forth in my head, from the dialysis center, to the house.  Seeing them do everything possible to bring positive results.

Finally everything not so urgent, preparing a lifeless body to be transported to the hospital.

Soon everything quiet again.

Quiet tears being shed. Realizing just how easily that could have been me.  Thanking God it wasn't.  Still...just like last time...yearning for someone to come in and say that everything is alright.

Never seeing that person.

14 years later, reliving it again...

I'm glad I'm not the same person I was.

Standing on my soapbox

Today I have something I need to say. I also need as many as possible to repost this somewhere that 25 and under can read it. My heart hurts for the children who have no guidance. What kind of world has this become? Word on the street is that it's the kind of world that one would allegedly stab a child, stomp a child and rob him of the contents of his pockets as he is dying.

There is extreme jealousy and somehow people feel entitled to whatever someone else has, no matter how trivial.

I posted the following a day or so ago on Facebook:

To all the 25 and under I'm connected to...Let what happened last night be your motivation to do better. These people out in the streets don't care about you, your Boo or your baby.

Let this motivate you to go to school, find a trade or something. It's not about clubbing, getting that money or having those Jordans. It's about living a life that you can enjoy, that you look forward to doing things and thanking the Lord for blessing you the way He has.

Ladies, when you have these babies young, you are still mama, not sister. Stop letting the little ones do what they want. You don't beat em, but you give them rules. Cussing babies, little boys with earrings, doing what you can so your babies can have the newest kicks and name brand clothes and you're eating noodles and hot dogs, is not cute, nor is it cool.

Stop letting them see you act a fool with your friends or your man. Stop letting them see you drunk or high. Stop letting them hear you argue with whoever.

When you had that baby, it was time to grow up. If your babydaddy doesn't want to be one, let him keep moving and raise your baby alone. You aren't the first, you won't be the last. I'm sure you know someone who you think is/was a good single mama. Talk to them, ask questions. Maybe your mama wasn't a good one. Maybe she didn't have anyone to ask. Be different.

Fellas, ************ is not your friend. I've observed that very few men have grown up in *********, stayed here and been successful. Very few.

It seems like even if they left for a semester, and saw there was more to life than **********, when they came back, they knew they wanted to strive for better.

It's true there's mayhem wherever you go. At least somewhere else, your past doesn't dictate your future. Elsewhere you can create a new you. No one knows you used to be a basketball star or constantly skipping school.

Something has to change.

Let it be you. You can do better.



Now you can enter Anytown USA and the message Will still apply.

The next message is a repost of a friend of mine who used to be in the streets:


Wow, to watch my kids open their gifts and to see them smile made my feel thankful, I wouldnt trade it for the world, and to give up that life of hustling that almost jepordised these moments was selfish and foolish, I thank God who rescued me and showed me what family truly is, if he can give his only son I can at least be there for my family, the duffle bags of bread and all the work in the world can not compare to my family, All praise to God...because I still live the same lifestyle but I work legally to get it ! Thanks for the second and third chance to get it right !

Procrastinating and other stuff

That's what mode I'm in right now...

Our office is moving in exactly one week and my motivation has come to a standstill.

It's really pitiful, because I don't even have that much left to pack. I just hate packing.

I have been shredding/recycling old files and it has gotten me into a tossing mode which is great for home. I have papers and papers at home that I can't just throw away because they have addresses on them. I feel I must shred them.

I wish I could just rent one of those trucks that shred on the spot. Man, one of those and a small dumpster for a week? *thinking ahead to spring*

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could do that with life? Toss the issues and situations we don't want, in the dumpster? Oh, we kind of can to an extent, can't we? There really is no point in carrying around stressful situations you can't do anything about...give it to God and let Him KEEP it!

I'm still learning.

Anyway, I'm fighting sleep and thought I'd come by and shoot the breeze a bit.

Oh and the catheter finally comes out tomorrow morning!

Love, Peace and Urbansoul!

19 Shopping Days until Christmas

If you like to buy unique items, check out the Urban Soulz Shoppe on Cafepress

Still need a 2012 wall calendar? We've got those too!

Click here to go directly to the calendar


When you finish shopping, come check us out at www.urbansoulz.com

World AIDS Day 2011

Know your status.

If you have the opportunity, read the stories of two AIDS activists living with AIDS.

Educated, attractive, assertive and ambitious are just a few of the words used to describe Rae Lewis-Thornton. In 1986, during a routine blood drive visit at a Washington D.C. Red Cross, Rae received news of another word that would soon be used to describe her health and future. At the tender age of 23, Rae Lewis-Thornton was diagnosed HIV Positive.

I vividly remember when I first learned of Rae. She was on the cover of Essence magazine. I never forgot her name and I never forgot her story.

She and others like her have played a HUGE part of how I accepted and share my journey with kidney disease.

Rae's got a blog Rae Lewis-Thornton
you can follow her on Twitter @raelt and she's got a Facebook page.

The next young lady I remember at the age of six, being in the HIV/AIDS awareness video that Magic Johnson did back in the 80's, A Conversation with Magic Johnson” on Nickelodeon.

Hydeia was born with HIV, so she hasn't known any other life.

The world has seen her grow from a gifted little girl to a 26 year old woman with a passion and mission to make sure each and everyone of us is aware of our HIV status as well as the status of our sexual partners.

Hydeia has a site Hydeia Broadbent
she's also on Twitter @HydeiaBroadbent and Facebook.