Why?

It's a question we hear a lot if we have children. It's a question a lot of people ask God.

I briefly thought of asking Him last night, but I don't know if I really want to know, it doesn't matter. It won't bring this friend back.

I went to dialysis last night as I normally do.  I'd just been chilling, listening to music instead of tv.  Of course I was listening to Urbansoulz radio.

The lights had been turned out and most of the patients were asleep.

I noticed ahead of me, that (my favorite) tech was talking to the guy who had spoken to me earlier.  He was just out of my view, but across the room from me. I paid no attention at first, then I heard her call his name several times. I never heard him answer though. She said his name repeatedly and finally yelled for the nurse on duty.

Sometimes on dialysis, a person's blood pressure gets too low and they basically pass out. I thought this was what had happened. Soon I could see what looked like chest compressions. Then I got concerned.

I prayed.

Then I saw a defib machine. I prayed some more.

I thought man, I'm gonna give him a hard time when he comes in next time, causing all this trouble.

See, this was one of the first guys I dialyzed with, ever.  Three years we'd talked football trash.

Somehow though, after the fire department came in and took over, I wasn't looking at them working on my friend, I was looking at them working on my son's father.

It was the exact scene, just 14 years later.  Soon it was the fire department and the EMT's.  Everyone was scurrying around, doing everything they could to get a response.

I went back and forth in my head, from the dialysis center, to the house.  Seeing them do everything possible to bring positive results.

Finally everything not so urgent, preparing a lifeless body to be transported to the hospital.

Soon everything quiet again.

Quiet tears being shed. Realizing just how easily that could have been me.  Thanking God it wasn't.  Still...just like last time...yearning for someone to come in and say that everything is alright.

Never seeing that person.

14 years later, reliving it again...

I'm glad I'm not the same person I was.