7~ Have you ever been deeply in love? Explain

I have been in love a couple of times, but deeply in love? Maybe for what I knew about love at the time. Perhaps love as a noun, but love as a verb? That's pretty new to me. I think the difference is that I was in deep like with myself for such a long time, that I didn't really know how to love me. If I didn't know how to love me, how could I love someone else? I'm still learning about love. Maybe we always learn about it, I don't know. What I know about love now though, makes me question love in the past. Well, maybe not, but it definitely makes me say "what I knew about love at the time"... Say what you will about Lil Wayne, but this song is truth... Lil Wayne - How To Love (OFFICIAL VIDEO) by vjarmanisuits

30 Day Photo Challenge Day 9-Low Angle

Remember when I got out of order? Well, this was supposed to be Day 4!

This low angle is of the corn plant in my office. When I inherited it about 6 years ago, it was only 2 feet tall. Now it's about 9 feet tall. Not too far from my ceiling. Not sure what I'm going to do with it when it gets that tall.

30 Day Photo Challenge Day 8-High Angle

This high angle photo is from the landing between the 2nd and 3rd floors of my apartment building.

Not much more I can say to that...

30 Day Photo Challenge Day 5-Red

Red is part of my "gear" I take with me to dialysis. Red goes over the top of my chair and down to the small of my back. There are 3 shifts that dialyze during the day and I just like to have my own cover. I also have an electric blanket that I lost the chord to long ago. I fold that in half and toss it over my thighs and shins, but not my feet. If too much fluid comes off my body, my feet will be the first to cramp and that heavy cover is just enough weight to get it started.

My son gave me one of his blankets to take with me and it's become my favorite. It has 4 wrestlers on it, including John Cena and MVP. That goes over me from shoulders to feet.

Then I have a memory pillow that I sit on. This year I developed sciatica, I guess from sitting so much and that helps.

I WILL be comfortable by any means necessary! LOLOLOL!

30 Day Photo Challenge Day 3- Sweet

I think it's very interesting, how my mind is processing this challenge. I thought I'd take a picture and make a comment about the picture and be through.

Where my mind is going, I have no clue. I guess creativity is reeeeeally kicking in.

Today's photo is sweet. I took this at IHOP. I had breakfast with my nephew.

I believe the syrups are maple, butter pecan, strawberry and blueberry.

When I looked at the display, I saw myself and my 3 siblings. We're all the same in that we have the same father. Those are all the same in that they're syrup.

We, however have 4 distinct personalities, just as the syrups have 4 very distinct flavors.

We're all sweet in our own ways.

It might be corny, but dangit, that's what I got! LOL

30 Day Photo Challenge Day One - Me

This is me...Scarred and wrapped. I'm a dialysis patient and that big bubble on my arm is an anyeurisum where they have stuck me with needles every other day for two and a half years. That got clotted last week, hence the ash catheter in my neck.

I am just me. I don't feel sorry for myself and I used to have issues accepting others' empathy for me, which isn't fair, especially if it's someone who loves me.

I don't worry about what's going on. I know that no matter what, God is my head doctor and He has the final say.

30 Day Photo Challenge

I've been off work, therefore not keeping up with the dates. Thank you Kween, for reminding me to start the challenge!

This one, I found online. Apparently, I just missed the Challenge, put forth by Amber Fischer Photography but I still want to do it. I did tweak it a bit, because it was brought to my attention that not everyone was raised by their mother and/or father.

I encourage you to join in and post a link to your blog in my comments.

Day 1: Me
Day 2: Yellow
Day 3: Sweet
Day 4: Low Angle
Day 5: Guilty Pleasure
Day 6: Home
Day 7: Red
Day 8: Feet
Day 9: Morning
Day 10: High Angle
Day 11: New
Day 12: Beautiful
Day 13: Noon
Day 14: Creative
Day 15: Necessity
Day 16: Print
Day 17: Real Life
Day 18: Zoom In
Day 19: Parent or close friend
Day 20: Favorite
Day 21: Time
Day 22: Happy
Day 23: Old
Day 24: Orange
Day 25: Evening
Day 26: Love
Day 27: Hate
Day 28: Summertime
Day 29: Dream
Day 30: Faceless Self Portrait

30 Day Photo Challenge

This will be the fourth challenge I've done since October. I wanted to do something a little different because the last two forced me to really do some soul searching.

This one, I found online. Apparently, I just missed the Challenge, put forth by Amber Fischer Photography but I still want to do it. Sooooo, a few days after the end of the 30 Day Love & Truth Challenge, (the 25th to be exact, to give others the chance to finish the other challenges) this is what you can expect from me and I encourage you to join in and post a link in my comments.

Day 1: Me
Day 2: Yellow
Day 3: Sweet
Day 4: Low Angle
Day 5: Guilty Pleasure
Day 6: Home
Day 7: Red
Day 8: Feet
Day 9: Morning
Day 10: High Angle
Day 11: New
Day 12: Beautiful
Day 13: Noon
Day 14: Creative
Day 15: Necessity
Day 16: Print
Day 17: Real Life
Day 18: Zoom In
Day 19: Parent or close friend
Day 20: Favorite
Day 21: Time
Day 22: Happy
Day 23: Old
Day 24: Orange
Day 25: Evening
Day 26: Love
Day 27: Hate
Day 28: Summertime
Day 29: Dream
Day 30: Faceless Self Portrait

Day 30~ Did this love challenge teach you anything? If so/not...what/why?

This challenge taught me that I wasn’t over some hurdles of my past…BUT it helped me get over them.

This challenge taught me that I was giving some of the people I loved too much power. I, in my need to be loved, almost always made the object of my affection a priority, when I was only an option to them.

This challenge taught me that someone I’d considered out of my league, actually sees eye to eye with me on so many things and that we’ve got SO much love between us. (READ LOVE, not lust) He is genuine and has been such a big help with me maintaining my sanity these past few weeks and telling me like it is and I appreciate him so much.

This love challenge has shown me yet again, that I am a good catch and those that tossed me or didn’t appreciate me like I felt they should have, didn’t deserve me and that my destiny where they are concerned, really does lie in my hands.

This love challenge has shown me there are some people really discouraged about love. There is some bitterness about love. Some don’t even know what love is…not really. I’m sure there are some who refused to take the challenge because of the word “love”.

For some reason that little four letter word incites fear in the hearts of men and women everywhere. I feel sorry for them. They’re so afraid of love and or so incapable of trust, that they try to find everything they can to replace love and tell themselves they’re happy, when all they really need is love.

This was probably the hardest challenge I’ve done thus far, because it forced me to evaluate the value of past relationships and I realized that the good memories always shone brighter than the bad, masking them and making the relationships seem better than they really were.
This challenge has helped me define even more, what I want in a mate and what I need to be in a mate.

Stick a fork in this challenge my dears, it is done….Thank you Kween!!!

Day 29~Write a letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you’ve met them or not)

I don’t know if I’ve met my soul mate or not. I know who I thought it was, but that notion went out the window (though God has such a sense of humor that he could be it after all).

Dear ___________,
I know that you exist…God wouldn’t have made me so full of love if you didn’t.

I’m not the easiest person to love all the time, that’s why you were equipped with extra patience.

I really thought this would be one of the easier tasks, SHEESH!
I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.

A lot of my thoughts about what would happen when you entered my life have changed.

I always thought we’d have this huge wedding, but I now desire a very simple and intimate beach wedding.

I always thought we’d have 5 or 6 babies, but that isn’t possible, I’ll love the “babies” you’ll bring as I’m sure you’ll love mine.

It would be nice if you were rich and could buy whatever you liked, because I always wanted the big house and fancy car, but I now know that if we’ve got love and the desire to do this thing called life together, big houses and fancy cars are nice to have, but we can be just as happy in a smaller home and car that we can actually afford.

I’m pretty simple like that.

I really thought in the beginning of this challenge that this letter would be all lovey dovey, but all I really want to say is hurry up and find me! LOL

I promise to love you and I love HARD! I’m loyal. I will take care of you the best I can. I’ll never mind doing extra when you want or need me to. I’ll be honest with you, because if I can’t, what’s the point?

I know we’ll disagree from time to time, but I promise to listen and talk with you and not belittle and talk AT you.

You are my King on earth and I will treat you as such and I’ll never attempt to take your place as head of household.
Soul mate, where are you?

Day 28~ If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]...which would you choose?

If I had a choice, I’d take a love relationship. Sex is so overrated to me. It leaves me feeling hollow if there isn’t love attached to it.

I THINK people that enter strictly sexual relationships are afraid of love. A lot claim to have trust issues, but er uh, don't you have to trust your sex partner?

If you don't, there's a problem. Now I know some people will scowl at that thought, but this question was posed to me and that’s how I chooose to answer.

26~ If your young daughter or son came to you and told you they were in love with someone your age...what would your response be?

My 13 year old? No go. PERIOD.

My 19 year old is technically legal to make decisions like that. I would ask him though, if he's in this relationship for the right reasons and what would he be bringing to the table. When it comes to relationships, he's got a pretty good head on his shoulders and doesn't do drama.

If this person has kids, I'd ask him if he were willing to be all that his father was not to him, because it's a package deal.

If after that discussion, he still wants to pursue it, I'd step back and let him. I've learned that when I don't want him to do something that I think isn't such a wise choice, if I let him go ahead, he'll realize it isn't for him a lot faster than if I tell him no.

Then again, they could be another Ashton and Demi...

Day 25~ Looking back on your life...who taught you the most about what love is/isn't?

In my opinion, my family has taught me most both about what love is and what it isn't, just in the difference between my immediate family and extended family.

I'm enjoying a new kind of love from my UrbanSoulz Family.

I've taken a lesson on love from each relationship I've been in too. Some good, some bad.

Some have helped me become a better person and some have taught me what I'm not going to tolerate.

The most love unconditional? The love of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and a handful of some of the most loving people I've ever met in my life (some, who coincidently are part of my UrbanSoulz Family).

24~ Have you broken anyone's heart?

Seems like I'm always on the hurting side of things, so without thinking, I would've said yes.

But I'm pretty sure my family was heartbroken when I had two kids with no wedding at ages 22 and 27.

I know I stopped dating one because I simply realized that he wasn't moving to where I am and I wasn't moving my kids and I to where he was at the time. I probably broke his heart. I really loved him though and I wanted him to have a chance to be happy with someone who was willing to relocated.

He ended up moving elsewhere and he hasn't, to my knowledge, found anyone worth keeping.

The one after that wasn't heartbroken. The one after that wasn't either. I seriously doubt this last one was either. Probably more disappointed than anything. Maybe not even that.

I do have this one friend that we decided to take things further and they ended up catching feelings and I didn't. I'm pretty sure that one is brokenhearted and that's why they keep doing the things they do. I don't know that for sure though.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure of at least two of those. The rest, they tried coming back, but as far as me breaking their hearts? I'll probably never know.

Day 23~Do you think love and marriage are synonymous?

No!! I've been in love with some who would NEVER be any good in a marriage.

I can understanding how some people date for crazy amounts of time. People are given a bit more rope. Give a little more leeway than when they are bound by a REAL committment, like marriage.

Some folks just aren't willing to go that extra mile, so it's best not to try.

Me, I want marriage. I appreciate the comraderie of two. I'm willing to do what I can to make things work.

I just thank God that the mistakes I've made were discovered before tying the knot. When I finally do it, I only plan on it being once.

Day 22~Create the perfect love scene

I guarantee that this isn't what you were expecting to read...

I'm so not on romance today.

The perfect love scene to me is this:

My sweetie and I. As in my future husband (whoever he is) waaaaay down the line.

Sitting on a porch swing.

Watching our children, grandchildren and possibly great-grandchildren.

Products of our blended family.

That, right there? That's love!

I know you are like what the what?!?!?! Hey, I don't know who's in my future!

21~ What is the most romantic location you would want to visit?

Just judging from pictures, I think that Bora Bora, Tahiti would be a top spot. It's hailed as the most romantic place in the world.

I'm a sucker for water and the visions I've seen of this place make me zone out every time.

To share a trip to this place with someone I love, would be a dream come true.

I've always been fascinated by any exotic locations and after visiting Jamaica last year, for the first time, I'm thirsty for more travel.

If you've never been out of the country, it's something else to be someplace that has places virtually untouched by man. It's easy to envision the Garden of Eden when you can look at all the greenery in it's natural state and stand in water that you see through to your feet.

According to a site I looked at, Bora Bora is 8 hours by plane, from LA and it's located in the South Pacific. It is in the same time zone as Hawaii, and the same distance south of the equator as Hawaii is north.

Look at these!

They are overwater bungalows- complete with glass floors and a private deck with a ladder to the water.

I'd also love to experience the culture.

Shoot, I could tell you about it all day, but until you can actually search and explore the website, you probably won't feel the way I do about it.

20~ Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not?

Yes I do...and they ain't easy.

My last 4 relationships have been long distance and I met them via internet.

What I've found is that LDR's can work, but both parties have to work at it. There can't be one sided traveling and there has to be a tremendous amount of trust from both parties.

My last 4 relationships started as internet love and evolved into LDR's. Only one reciprocated visits, but there were severe trust issues, so it was doomed before it started good.

For the most part, we're all still friendly toward each other, so I got a decent friend out of each, but I know that "He" is still out there somewhere and he may very well be e-mailing me right now.

19~ What do you love to do the most?

What I love to do the most is pack up the car and the kids and drive.

Before I started dialysis, we would drive out to Virginia every other year. Now I just fly and usually solo, because I'm not at all comfortable, dialyzing and a bunch of different facilities.

I've been out east several times in the past 2 years and have found one particular facility I feel as comfortable at as I do at home.

The very best road trip that my kids and I have ever taken was a year or two before my Grandfather died.

We were supposed to leave at 5 am. I had everything sitting by the door, ready to pack the car. Someone moved the power cord for the new tv/dvd unit I'd bought especially for the trip, so that started things off on a sour note. It took almost 45 minutes to find it and it's probably a good thing no one ever 'fessed up to moving it.

Anyway, we finally got on the road by 6:30 am. We drove to Dayton, OH, stopping for breakfast, gas and regular bathroom breaks. In Dayton, we met up with a guy that fancied me in college, but we never became anything more than friends, to this day. We ate at Golden Corral (our first experience there) and enjoyed each other's company before getting back on the road.

We drove on to Wheeling, WV, where we spent the night. We got up around 8 am, ate breakfast and then took the scenic route through rural Pennsylvania, down to Gaithersburg, MD. When I say the scenic route, I mean 2 lane roads most of the way. It was an absolutely beautiful drive.

We stopped at lookout points often and even stopped at a general store kinda place, just inside the MD border. One of my kids wouldn't get out though and when we went to get out of the car, the first ladies we saw had 4 teeth between them. We went in and there were victims of taxidermy all over and we knew we'd hit the bathroom and jet! LOL

It took a minute, but we finally made it down to Gaithersburg, where we stayed overnight with my youngest son's godmother and her hubby.

We got up the next morning and drove down to Petersburg, VA where we stayed with my Grandparents for 3 days. It's funny, we skipped right past the DMV. At that time, I had absolutely not one friend there. Now that's where the majority of my friends are. Big difference a website makes (Yahoo! 360 R.I.P.).

We left Petersburg and headed down to Virginia Beach, where we stayed with the godmother's brother for a couple of days. I LOVE the VA Beach area. Now before we got to VA Beach, we stopped in Hampton and hit Hampton University to pay a surprise visit to my little cousin India. She had no clue we were coming and when we showed up, she'd been giving college tours and was really out of it. It didn't even click who we were for a few seconds, but when it did, she went screaming in the hall that her family was here to visit. We hit Norfolk for a day of sightseeing, touring a navy ship, taking a boat ride on Chesapeake Bay and visiting the Maritime Museum. The next day we went to our favorite spot, the Virginia Aquarium and Marine Science Center.

We left Virgina Beach reluctantly, but at the same time excited because we were next headed to North Carolina for the first time. We planned to spend the night in Raleigh and visit with friends for a few hours.

We left Raleigh and the plan was to spend the night in Frankfort, KY, but we got there after midnight and our room was given away, so I decided to drive on to Lexington, KY. Got there are there was some kind of tournament going on, so no room at any of the inns...

Well, I was starting to get tired, but I kept driving. Had I realized that I'd be driving so far, I'd have left earlier and rested more. This leg of the trip I was starting to feel fatigued. The only thing that kept me going was 112 and the cd with Peaches and Cream on it. I had that sucker on repeat. I was so tired by the time I went to lay my head down at the hotel, I couldn't even relax. Every time I drifted off to sleep, my eyes would pop open because I thought I was still driving. It was HORRIBLE.

I got a later start the next day because I wanted to be well rested. It was a nice drive though. A lot of forest. Weeks later, a girl from my hometown would lose her life along the very same highway.

We stopped at a beautiful catholic church I saw from the highway, in Indiana. I felt drawn to it when I saw it and it ended up having a little store that I bought a few things from.

Then we drove to and stopped in Mt. Vernon, IL. We planned to visit a friend the next day, so we got dinner and rested.

We got up the next day, visited my friend and headed home.

We clocked over 2,000 miles that trip and it was so worth it!

THAT, is what I love to do...

15~ Can you live without a love relationship?

I cannot.

I love too much and I enjoy loving on people. I don't, however, enjoy giving my love to people who take it for granted. I love HARD. I tell people that. A condition of my love is that you not take advantage of it and that you appreciate it. If you don't, I'll stop. There are a few instances where no matter how much I try to stop loving, I can't. In those cases, I distance myself and never let the person hear it from me again, if I can help it.

Fortunately, I have enough family to fulfill the majority of my need to love.

I also need to BE loved. I have a desire to share the love of one very special person in my life, that seems to elude me. Each time I think I've found him, it turns out I haven't and it cuts deeper than the last.

I have a small circle of friends that I enjoy sharing that hard love with. Unfortunately, that circle has begun to disentigrate. Not sure where that will end, but I know it's not because I didn't love...