Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I'm A People-Person, Aren't I?

An odd question popped into my head the other day. I wondered to myself, how can I be a people person when there are not a whole lot of people I can tolerate all the time?

I mean I used to really be a people-person and either people changed, I changed or I really used to base my "like" on surface personality.

I feel I have more insight than I used to. I pay attention to my "gut feeling" about a person more now. I can meet someone and generally think ok, they're cool, but as I get to know them, their idiosyncrasies work my nerves.

For example, one person I thought I could forge a friendship with was mad cool at first, but then suddenly one day I realized how very needy she was. I mean if she was talking and I was doing anything other than looking her in the face, she would stop until I could look her in the face again. Now mind you, all the while I was responding and conversing, but that wasn't good enough. Then when I had something to say, as I spoke, she would interrupt and somehow wrangle the conversation to focus on her. That friendship didn't last long. As I sat back and analyzed as she went from one relationship to another (like a bee from flower to flower) I realized her issues have nothing to do with me.

Another woman I don't know very well, but I'm forced to deal with daily has shown her true colors quickly. It has been a couple of months and I just don't like her. I've tried. She can be pleasant enough. She's very nosey and she gives an air like she's better than others (in all fairness, she did warn me that she was different. Ok basically she said she was better than some folks close to her. If she has questions, when I answer, her response is either an almost smart remark or criticism. I mean if she knew what she was doing, why ask? Not only that, she isn't above telling her own business, so I KNOW she'd re-tell mine. I'd heard before I really met her that she was this way, but I like to give people a chance and form my own opinion. Yeah, she can go on somewhere.

When I dislike someone, I limit my speaking to them and don't normally say more than I have to. For whatever reason, this leaves people confused. Why would I engage in frequent conversation with someone I don't care for? I suspect she's doing other than what she's supposed to anyway and I want no parts of it.

I also don't like being around people who whine or talk about other people. I mean there are probably one or two people on this earth that I can say whatever I'm thinking about whatever is going on and they won't judge me or talk about it to anyone else. I appreciate that. I appreciate them. I'm not saying that I don't like anyone else, there just aren't a lot of people that I could hang out with every day. In fact there are some people I really like that I enjoy doing things with. Just periodically.

Perhaps what I go through with dialysis make me an impatient person but I really think some people are just annoying.

Yes, I can be grouchy, I admit it. People have made me this way though.

Friday, October 3, 2014

I don't know what you do, but I Read Before I sign!

For the life of me, I don't understand what would make someone think that they could hand me a stack of papers and ask me to sign the front page and think that I wasn't going to look through them first! I read every word of my lease EVERY year! They have it in the tiniest print possible too and I take weeks to read it!

Well the dietician at dialysis wanted me to sign the top of several sheets of paper regarding my treatment. Now my access is in my right arm. I am right handed. I told her I couldn't sign it with my right hand. She said well can't you sign with your left? I said I'm right handed. She said well it doesn't have to be perfect. I said my tech will be sure that I sign it at the end of treatment. She again said I could sign with my left and be done because she really needed it. I raised my eyebrows and and twisted my mouth TIGHT and said I will sign it AFTER treatment.

So with a slight attitude, she left it. After treatment I picked it up and started reading and I got to about page 3 and saw that it said I was not getting all the fluid off to where my "dry weight" is. That is supposed to be your weight with no extra fluid. Well depending on what I eat, sometimes my dry weight fluctuates. Never anything huge, but it does. So she had written that I was not reaching that weight because I was leaving treatment early because I couldn't sit through a whole treatment.

Um, back when it was still snowing, I had fallen and bruised my tailbone super bad and had to go to physical therapy and the chiropractor 3 times a week because it had caused a pinched nerve. During that time I did have to cut my treatments short because even getting off the machine to walk around some and do stretches before getting back on for the remaining treatment didn't relieve the pain. So I would stay as long as I could but during that time, I often left in tears because it was so painful. I very politely wrote on the side, the short version of what I just told you.

During this time I was on an antibiotic for 9 months because years ago I had been exposed to TB. I had been carrying traces of it for 16 years. Most people have trace amounts in their system but the body naturally keeps it at bay. Well, since I'm a candidate for a transplant and those trace amounts could possibly be something that could make a new kidney reject, I was put on this medicine.

When I ate certain things, it made my blood pressure rise. If I didn't have abnormally low bp, it would have been dangerous. My pressure is usually anywhere from mid-to high 90's and when I'm lying down and relaxed, can get into the high 70's mid 80's (thankfully the surgeon that usually does my procedure knows and will give me pain meds accordingly during. They generally will not give people much medicine if their pressure drops). I have been checked out thoroughly by two cardiologists who have both said that my body is healthy, just not normal as far and my heart rate and pressure.

I also couldn't take ibuprofen (the one OTC pain medicine I can take as a kidney patient) while I was on this medicine, so when I fell, my doctor prescribed 100% Hydrocodone.

Anyway, during this time my pressure was sometimes 145/90 at the highest and I'm reading this document and it said that as part of preventative treatment, she'd given me information on how to lower my high blood pressure! I very politely marked it out and wrote the real deal.

I read several pages further and again it said that I was not staying my complete treatments. I thought about it...she works during the day and I dialyze at night. She does rounds with the doctor ONCE a month. We have doctors visit usually 1 a week. There are things that are discussed that she has no knowledge of. I had talked to the head doctor in the summer months, after my back problems were over and asked if I could shorten my treatment time to 4 hours as is normal during the day treatments. I still work full time and I was getting home after 2 am and having to be at work at 8 am. The doctor agreed to it and agreed to have my blood flow raised during treatment. I promised him that if it affected to effectiveness of my treatment for the worse, I'd go back to that extra hour (most nocturnal patients run about 6 hours and only a couple of us still work). In the beginning I would come in by 8:30 pm and would do dialysis for 5 hours and get home a little after 2. I started asking the doctor to cut my treatment time by an hour with the same promise to go back if my blood wasn't getting cleaned well. Almost every time, I had the best labs.

Then as I read further, they analyzed my psychosocial behavior while being on dialysis and said that I was still working full time, being with the State of Illinois for 15+ years. Um I've never worked for the state. I work for another branch of government and I've been there since 1989. Slightly more than 15 years (ya think?).

The more I read, the more I got pissed. What if they were sending copies of that to the transplant team? I would have signed papers saying I don't go to full treatments. They would interpret that as not taking care of myself and they will NOT give an organ to someone who doesn't take care of themselves. You a heavy drinker, smoker, drug user? You will NOT get an organ! You can't keep your blood pressure at a decent level, can control your diabetes? No Son, no organ for you! If they had gotten me booted for sending that false information, those heifer hoes would pay dearly! (I borrowed that from my little cousin. I'm a cusser, I REALLY wanted to say some mf's b's and other things. I'm a work in progress).

So I did the only thing I could do...after crossing out all the false information in that document and hand writing the corrections, I wrote her a nice little note right on the front after the doctor, social worker and dietician had all signed it already. I said you rewrite my document with the correct information and let me look at it again and I will sign it.

My best friend is attorney and I have several attorney friends who have taught me well. If your name is on a docket, ALWAYS show up. If you are required to sign, READ BEFORE signing. If you don't understand what you're signing, find someone with a legal background (don't overlook legal secretaries either) to decipher what the document is saying.

I was SO livid, that I couldn't do anything but write. On the one hand, I'm happy because I have had writer's block for a loooong time. On the other hand, I took a sleeping pill about an hour ago and I'm still so riled up. I need to go to sleep. If you stopped by, I thank you much.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Mini-Me Made it Home!!

I am happy to say that my girlfriend that was in the midst of a custody fight the last time I posted, is at home again, enjoying her victory!!

She was able to secure the funding she needed to retain an attorney and get transportation to the court date. Each side was presented and basically when Mister said his piece, the judge side-eyed him and said I think not! Ok, that's the version in my head, but his defense was not strong enough and despite the lies and the conniving, she won!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Getting MiniMe Home....

One of my online friends has found herself smack-dab in the middle of a custody battle that she didn't even see coming.  This is not the first battle and it will probably not be the last.  Please read her story and if you feel so moved, go to her GoFundMe site and donate.  Even $1 helps.  She and I have been acquainted for several years now and I when I tell you she has been through it...well, just read her story, then go to the site.

Click here to read Lisa's story

Friday, June 27, 2014

Checking in

Hey you! Yeah, the 1 or 2 of you that still stops through from time to time. I'm still around. I miss writing, but when I try to put my thoughts together, they just get jumbled. I guess that's the downfall of learning how to say what you need to in 140 characters or less.

If you stop in, say hi. Let me know how YOU are.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

His Mama Said...

I have a friend, we'll call him Santrell, who has the funniest stories about his mama. She cracks me up and I've asked his permission to share his stories because they are too funny not to share, so from time to time,the words I type will not be my own (I have his permission).

She is a little church lady with a sharp tongue. He (and his brothers) are 30-40 year olds, nice looking and enjoying the dating world. I think what's so funny to me is that their mama is sweet as pie, but he knows (and I think he does it on purpose at times) just what to say to make her do a 180° and cuss him out.

You just might recognize them...

Here we go, just an example of what to expect!

Mom: You going to come to our church choir gala on Sunday?

Santrell: Nah momma, I will be at my church

M: (dead silence...then) What's wrong with coming to MY church sometimes? We serve the same God!

S: Momma, I know that...it's just that...Your choir is full of non-singing white folks...and y'all sing with no soul or passion.


M: You soul-less, most unclean child of mine! We sing better than any choir I've ever heard! And who said you had to be black to sing for the Lord???!!! Your ears are filled with the devil's music and you would not know God's heavenly choir if He hit you with a drumstick! Why....etc, etc, etc!!!


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Just Once

I haven't written for a long time. Today I was able to hash something out, not perfect but my mind is flowing again.


Just once, I want to hold your hand, maybe take a walk in the sand.

Just once, I want to look into your eyes to see you looking back in mine.

Just once, I wish that you were here, watching the sunset and kisses so dear.

Just once, I want to touch your face, nice and slow, not in haste.

Just once, I want to feel your arms, wrapped around me feeling safe from harm.

Just once, I'll give you this heart of mine. Just once I'll love you for a lifetime.

Just once I wish it all were true, forever I want to be with you.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Four Months

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've put words onto this blog!

I have had a few health challenges, a couple of surgeries, no kidney yet, but I think that I am just overall exhausted.

I spend a little time each night on FB playing Bubble Safari/Bubble Safari Ocean, I listen to Urbansoulz radio shows almost nightly and I try to post something on Instagram, even if it's just to adverstise The Soul FM show of the day.

I never thought it was possible, but I think I'm burning out. I've been sleeping a lot, but I'm still tired all the time.

I'll try to do better. I've got to do something different.

Man, give me my hour back!