Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A-Z: L

I love writing the letter L. I think because it's curly.

I love lillies. Not all kinds...Calla Lillies

I love lotus flowers

I love love..

I chased love for a long time and it never got me anywhere. I finally decided to let love find me and I found that I've already found it. It may not be forever (or maybe it will be). It may not be in the form I thought it would be, but it's a strong love and if it's the only love meant for me, I'm good.

Lil Wayne...Yes, I'm 43 and I listen to Lil Wayne. Judge me, I don't care. Really... this is my most favorite picture of him so far.

I however, despise a liar. I don't see the point in making up something when the truth will truly suffice. A two faced liar is a liar any way you look at it. Check out this ambigram...

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A-Z: K

I guess my sleeping pill kicked in before I could post this! LOL

I am at a total loss of what to post today, so I will go to google and type K with each of the vowels (and sometimes y) in the search and see what comes up!

Kayak- Cheap flights, hotels, etc. I have never used this site to search for a trip, so I don't know what to say about it. I doubt I ever go kayaking in my life. I don't think my knees would last, nor would my butt fit. *shrug*

Kelly Rowland-I think Kelly is underrated (as is Solange) because they have been overshadowed by Bouncy, I mean Beyonce. I mean I love them all and I admit that Beyonce is the better performer, but Kelly holds her own and Solange is so unique that if you aren't open, you'll never appreciate her music.

Kindle Fire-I have never touched nor held a Kindle Fire, nor anything similar. Give me my books and magazines!

Kohls-I never used to shop there and then I discovered their shoe department. When I'm looking for shoes other than sneakers, this is where I go. Thanks Kohl's!

Kung Fu Panda-Skidoosh! That is all.

Kyle Korver-Who? *running to google* Oh wow, LOL. He plays for my home state's NBA team, the Bulls. *whispers* I'm SO not a basketball fan anymore. Give me football or give me sitcoms!

I'm gonna be reeeeeal lazy tonight (and try to post before midnight) and give you the link to read yourself. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyle_Korver

Monday, March 26, 2012

A-Z: J

Juxtaposition-The state of being close together or side by side. I just happen to like the word and can’t seem to work it into every day conversation.

Junk-One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. That was very evident at the auction I attended today. Those people bid on ANYTHING!! I mean really, who needs a 30 year old breast pump, a whittled out wooden pinecone the size of a pineapple or what the heck is someone going to do with 2 old doctor’s tables? I guess that takes playing doctor to whole new level! LOL

It’s the same way with people. What one person can’t stand, can make another the happiest of their lifetime.

Justice-I cannot comprehend what the fear is in “and justice for all”. Why such a fight against it? Why is it so necessary for one race to feel superior? I am so not anti-white, please believe that. I am pro-black, but I can be that without tearing other races down…

Joy-In listening to Urbansoulz Inspirations today, I took from the lesson that you can still find unspeakable joy in the midst of trials when you focus on worshipping and praising God.
I know that’s how I am able to function so well in the midst of losing my father and the other message I got was

Just Talk-Talk to your children. Ask them what they want for their futures and when what you hear might not be what you’d like for them, shut up and don’t be a dream killer. There are plenty of those in this world. Be a place of support. Be someone on your child’s side and PRAY for them. Pray for their protection. Pray for them to realize their dreams and pray that you have the best relationship you possibly can. Don’t wait until something happens and you have to pray for help past losing them.

Just Me…

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A-Z: I

Insecurities--Everyone has them. The Boris Kodjoe's, the Gabrielle Union's, the Kim Kardashian's, the Paris Hilton's, even the LLCool J's. I think that if you're insecure about something and you can do something about it, do what you can. If it's something physical that you can't do anything about, do your best to accept it and live with it.

What you shouldn't do is let it consume you. Pray. Ask for help accepting it.

Ice-Anyone who knows me knows that I'm addicted to chomping on ice, particularly ice from Sonic!


Inconsistency-That usually equals lying. I despise a liar and a cheater and they usually go hand in hand.

Ice cream!!!! Yummmmm! I love plain ol vanilla bean, sherbet, hot fudge sundaes, cookie dough ice cream. I think my grandfather influenced that. When I was younger, whenever I went to my grandparent's house, they'd always have one gallon of Prairie Farms (a local brand) ice cream and Hershey's chocolate syrup.

I might enjoy it too much. Once I was driving and eating a large cone from Dairy Queen and the men in the truck next to me missed the light because they were watching me (NORMALLY, I might add) eating my ice cream cone! Pervs!

Improvement-No matter what things appear to be, nothing and no one is absolutely perfect. Once we see that, a lot of people and/or things won't seem so intimidating. Relationships might form a little smoother. Nothing worse than putting someone under pressure because you're telling them they're perfect. Say they're perfect for you, after all, we're all human...

Friday, March 23, 2012

A-Z: H

Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

I try to be a happy person, I really do. I unfortunately am one that takes many things to heart. I have often found myself worrying and taking care of someone who doesn't even care as much for themselves. That over the top caring has come back to bite me in the butt several times.

With friendships,I've been the best friend I know how. There for my friends in every way and many of them, when it came time to be there for me either kinda half patted me on the back then dropped the ball and kept moving or left me completely out of the loop of things where they were concerned. As far as relationships? Well, we won't go there...

Slowly but surely, I'm finding my "happy". It involves much less of other people and more satifaction that God is my Jehovah-Jireh, which is Hebrew for My Provider for everything I need, including my happiness.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A-Z: G

Grace-My Grandmother, whom I miss very much. She was always such a lady. Her name, very fiting.

Giving-I am a very giving person. If I love you, I want to give you the world. I rarely find someone as giving as I so I've kind of slowed down on doing so. Guess I take "treat others as you want to be treated" too literal *shrug* I do love to pay it forward in the drive through or at the store.

Goapele-I didn't used to care for her music, but her song Play has won me over!Speaking of music, check out the site www.thesoulfm.com it's a wonderful new FREE site for music lovers!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A-Z: F

Flirty-I'm not as flirty as I used to be, but I can be a big flirt. Note I said flirt, not tease. There is a big difference and repercussions for teasing. Everyone doesn't handle it well.

Fun-I like to have fun. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. I inherited that from my father. Always cracking jokes or something. Laughter is good for the soul and my family is a bunch of clowns.

Funk-I loooooooove a funky bassline! When the word "funk" came to mind, I thought of the beginning of Teena Marie's I Need Your Lovin"! I love the funky band music of the 70's. Nothing like hearing live brass, percussion, etc.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A-Z: E

Eagles- but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31 New International Version

I never understood what was so big about eagles. Why our country chose the bald eagle as its symbol.

And then I saw one fly. I am SO not a bird person, but it's flight demands your attention. It's breathtaking. Not like any other bird I've seen.

Ego-I despise egotistical people. You should never feel like what you have to say is any more important than what someone else has to say. Now it just might be, but we are all put here for a reason and God uses even the least of us.

Eggo-Now those? Those are good to have! My favorite (if I must have frozen) are the homestyle waffles. I'd much rather make a thick, fluffy on the inside, crispy on the outside belgian waffle with my flip waffle maker, but alas sometimes there just isn't any time.

Eric Clapton-What you know about that? My father gave me an intense love for the sound of this man's guitar. It's absolutely sick! I hope you enjoy!

Monday, March 19, 2012

A-Z: D

Yes, I know I said D, but today I thought of another C that I wanted to mention.

Confidence-When you have it, you're on top of the world. When you've had it taken from you at some point, you have it one day and the next day you don't. I struggle with this often. It's amazing how someone can get into your psyche for a short period of time and you spend the remainder of your life getting past it.

Yesterday I was carefree. Today I saw a guy smile at me across the parking lot and my initial reaction was to search for the person he was smiling at because I just knew it wasn't me. It was. I hate being that way. I'm waiting for prayer to change that thing.

Many important people in my life are D's. Dad, Dawn, my favorite "D" and 4 "D" Brothers who have created a medium that has impacted my life in more ways than one. *say it with me* www.urbansoulz.com and now www.thesoulfm.com
They truly have shown me how to love.

Daughter-I have been the best daughter I know how to be and I hope that I am everything that my parents expected, though I'm sure I didn't go about it the way they'd have liked.

Dance-I only went to 2 school dances my whole 4 years of high school and that was my Sr. year, with the same person. He was the only person who ever asked me. I found out via Facebook that some guys always assumed I was dating someone. Not true. I had a boyfriend my freshman year and my senior year. Hey y'all cheated me! LOL

Dog-I think I want a dog after I move. Not sure what kind, but I will certainly take my time deciding.

And I'm done!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A-Z: C

Christ-He has carried me many a day, whether I knew it or not. I thank the Lord for showing me the way, for protecting me and mine and being a comforter. Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me. Bless His Holy Name!

Cake-I would LOVE to learn how to decorate cakes and I will in due time.

Clowns-I do NOT like clowns. I didn't mind them for a long time and then I saw It and Pennywise was no joke. Then I saw a documentary on John Wayne Gacy who murdered many young boys and buried them on his property. I found out that he'd lived in my city a short time and worked as a clown. I realized that you never know who is behind the makeup, so I don't mess with any of them. They look sinister to me.

Cooking-I love to cook for people. I don't like fancy schmancy recipes, but down home cooking tweaked a bit to be more healthy.

Cancer-Stupid cancer. It is a horrible disease that robs people sometimes a little bit at a time for a long time, from the inside out and other times it's eaten through a persons insides long before they even know it's there. It hurts to watch someone suffer the effects of cancer and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Prostate cancer stole my Dad from me.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A-Z: B



That's what "he" is. Most beautiful man I've ever known. Beautiful on the inside, beautiful on the outside. Loving, caring, smart, sexy, enterprising, funny, makes me smile. Most importantly godly. God didn't say he is mine, so I'll just pray for one like him!


I love babies. I can't have anymore. It wasn't my choice, but it was recommended when it was first discovered that my kidneys were failing, that I not have any more. At the time I was still hoping there was a girl in my future. Alas, there were two girls in my future...my nieces. I don't get them as much as I'd like because I basically squeeze my life into two days. I have treatment 3 days a week and recover the days I don't. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a full night's sleep.

Friday, March 16, 2012

My Own A-Z Challenge

I am determined to get back into blogging regularly even though Reggie is my only faithful commenter, LOL.

This is simply a challenge where I post about one alphabetical letter per day. Let me know if you decide to do it too. I have to get better about reading other blogs again.

A is the first letter of my favorite cousin's name. April grew up out east and moved to my city as an adult. We don't hang out often, but whenever we do, we have a great time.

She has 6 kids that are like nieces and nephews to me. I love em!

A is also for acorn.

a·corn   /ˈeɪkɔrn, ˈeɪkərn/ Show Spelled[ey-kawrn, ey-kern] Show IPA
1. the typically ovoid fruit or nut of an oak, enclosed at the base by a cupule.
2. a finial or knop, as on a piece of furniture, in the form of an acorn.

Acorns amaze me. They are these little bitty nuts that squirrels hoard for the winter and then leave cracked shells all over the place when they eat them, but from these little nuggets can grow mighty trees that live for decades.

Alone also begins with A. I find myself alone frequently. Too frequently. I invited an acquaintance to lunch. Someone I've known 5 or 6 years. It was the most uncomfortable 45 minutes I've had for a long time. Seems my knack for every day conversation and my wit has headed for the hills.

Like Jaheim said though, I've "gotta find my way back". So get ready!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Constant Battle

My heart and my head are in constant battle. One day one tells me I am depressed and the other says no, I’m fine and then they flip flop the next.

Don’t I have a say in this?

I’m constantly praying because I don’t want to lose myself, but most days I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

When does it end? Where are my friends, you say? They are right where they should be.

I don’t even know what to say to them anymore. I love them with all my heart, but when I felt I was depending on them too much, I pulled away.

I’ve pulled so far away that I’m not sure how to get back to where we were.

Things have got to get better….

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

100 Words: Missing Him

I miss my Dad, but I miss my friend. Things haven’t been the same since that day that changed my life.

I never wanted to be without him, now I need time to myself because I no

longer know who I am or how I should feel.

He is the one to whom everyone else gets compared. My best friend. My rock. My love.

I have tried to fill my time with tangible people, but damn, I just want my friend back.

I don’t know what it is about you but I need you in my life. I love you….

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

100 words: Life


It’s ever evolving. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you’re hit with a life-changing twist, come to a fork in the road or you just simply change your mind about which direction you want to go.

I’d just got to a point where I needed a change and soon. I’d decided to relocate, although I’ve lived in the same place my entire life, except for college.

Then my Dad died.

If I thought I might change my mind then, I have to go now. I must get over my inner fear of change and keep moving.