Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Don't Be So Shady

I have two sons, who have 2 fathers. My first son was born with blondish hair and bluish grey eyes. His father is black, we've just got that kind of mix in our heritage.

My friends used to tease me and say that his father wasn't his father, but some blonde hottie somewhere under wraps.

My second son was brown-skinned, no question there. Didn't matter to me, they were both mine.

I knew they were very different shades of brown, but it never mattered to me.

Now with my grandmother, things were different.

I'm not saying which one, but between biologicals, steps, adoptives, I have had 5 grandmothers.

Don't get me wrong. I loved my grandmother. She was good to all of us. There were things we might not have otherwise had or done, was it not for her and my grandfather, but she made differences.

At first, I didn't notice. When my oldest was born, she was "normal". When my nephew was born two weeks before my youngest, she was still just a great-grandma (my nephew has one parent of mixed heritage, so he's also light).

When my youngest son was born, she fawned over him constantly. "Ohhhh, he's such a pretty brown!"

Then I would notice things she said...Little Richie on Family Matters, was a cute little, obviously a black and white mixed child, but every time the show came on, she'd say she didn't like that little boy. He wasn't even cute and things like that, but I thought nothing of it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, right?

Then though, I started noticing that my youngest would get held more than my nephew. My youngest would get more attention than all the rest of the great-grands.

It was VERY noticeable to me, but it hadn't clicked why yet. And then one day it did...

My youngest got preferential treatment because he was darker. Then a lot of things made sense.

Of my grandmother's children, one was a different shade than the others and that child was treated differently growing up. Got away with much less. Given more work than the rest. Treated similarly to the lighter great-grands.

I was the only grandchild for a long time and I thought that I got to do so much because of that, I'm thinking now it might have been because I was the brownest too.

Anyway, once I figured out the children were treated differently, I'd get an attitude and usually getting in trouble for saying something smart aleck.

My thing though, as a parent, was don't make differences between my kids. Treat them the same or don't treat them at all. I feel like that in every way. Don't let one child have carte blanche and then military rules for the others.

Of course, now that they're teenagers, I can't treat them exactly the same because of their very different personalities. The base treatment though is the same.

My grandmother must've gone crazy in the 70's and 80's when "light skin was in".

I have real issue with skin color still being a source of discrimination, hatred and different treatment in the year 2010.

Just last night at work, I had a parent change his whole dialect when he was speaking to me. Reminded me of the jive talking nun on Airplane.

My boss, who is white, noticed it from across the room. It was funny to me because anyone who calls me at work, confuses me with a white woman. It's not a "white" voice per se, it's a professional voice. When she talked to him later and away from me, the jive talk was gone. Whatever.

I always thought it funny that professional voice and white seemed go hand in hand, as if *enter slave dialect here* massa don have no negras tha cn ansa phones 'feshunaly! *deep eyeroll*

I have encountered as many unprofessional white, hispanic and other nationalities as I have professional black folks.

The economy is a mess. Education is a mess. Government is a hot ass mess. Quite a few of our children (all shades of em) are being failed by their parents. Do we really STILL have to make color an issue?

Get over it. The DNA might be different, but peel the skin, we're all muscle and bone. Sheesh.


Da_Kween said...

I know exactly what you mean. My mom is the fair-skinned child of 5. My grandmother and the rest of her children are brown-dark brown. My mom always got shady treatment from my grandmother. (My thinking is...YOU slept with the non-black dude, so what's your issue) Maybe it was a reminder of how loose she was. LMAO

Anyway...us lighter grands got the bs treatment. FUNNIER thing? My uncle's light-skinned girlfriends got the QUEEN treatment...as did my other uncle's WHITE wife...yet again, my uncle's half black daughters have gotten shady treatment as well. How confusing, man.

---Kali Simpson :P

Afrodeezha said...

LOL!! @ the signature!

Yeah Sis...there's so many other things we should worry about, color shouldn't be one of those.

Baglady said...

I'm olive skinned so you wouldn't know I was mixed race and I used to get really annoyed at my 60+ colleague telling me about her white daughter marrying a black man because she didn't want any "cafe au lait" grandkids. It still makes my jaw drop when people talk like that. But maybe I'm just as bad for not calling them out on it.

Afrodeezha said...

@Baglady I see nothing wrong with calling them out! Then again, I stopped holding my tongue a lot, once I hit 40!

The God'ess said...

If you look through my photo album on fb, you will see that all of my children (by 3 different men) are different shades. My daughter is a beautiful dark brown shade, my older son is beautifully light-skinned with freckles and my youngest has the same beautiful tone as I do. Do I treat them any different? Nope, because they're mine and their outward appearance has nothing to do with their inner selves.

S/N: It seems that I always have a story for each of your blogs. We are so alike. LOL

Mahoganydymond said...

I guess this happens every where.. In everyone's family.. My best friend her dad couldn't STAND dark men that she would bring home.. They are very HIGH yella.. They when she married one he liked to flipped a lid..

Then on my mother was always picked on for being the lighter one in the family. My grandmother was darkskinned and all her children were to expect my mother.. So they would tell her she was adopted and what not...

I wish that the old way of thinking would change..

Misfit said...

Wowwww I was going to blog about this.. about the abuse my mother suffered due to her slightly tanned skinned...

my grandmother was German and married my black grandfather... together they had 6 kids... all of them were bright white except my mother and my aunt Isabel who both had a slight tan... really.. ya cant tell a difference..

let me give you a little background on grandmoms... Grandma was full blooded German living under a Nazi regime.. my great grandfather was a Nazi officer who died in the blitzkrieg of Russia.. Need I explain more about her potential mindset about the blond hair blue eyed deal?

Anywhoo... my mom & aunt Isabel were not allowed to mingle with the other children. their clothes couldnt touch no one else's clothes, their dishes had to be washed separately from everyone elses, the werent allowed to use the toilet and most of the time were holed up in their room using a bucket to pee in which they were required to throw out of a window.. all because they were a slight shade darker with hazel eyes instead of blue eyes. Soo yes... I overstand this blog...

Afrodeezha said...

It's always so amazing to me, what we bring out of each other with each post. Thank you ladies, for sharing.