Sunday, October 17, 2010
Keep That Spit To Yourself
I was chilling with a friend, not too long ago, at her house. We were just talking about money, kids, life...
We hadn't talked for a long time and I was really enjoying myself, until....
Her husband came through the kitchen (we were at the kitchen table) and he hocked up from the tip of his toenails and spit in the kitchen sink.
My friend was unfazed (I know the word is phase, I like the "z"). I was floored.
At that moment, I was happy I hadn't ever eaten over there.
I'm sorry, bathroom sink, yeah. Kitchen sink? Hell no! You wash dishes in the sink. I was outdone.
I can talk about shit all day long. I can watch lions eat wildebeasts and zebras during dinner. I can watch live childbirth and not be fazed.
You want to make me lurch? Let me see spit on the sidewalk or a booger on the wall. I think spitting is one of the nastiest things known to man. I'd rather help stop a severed arm from bleeding.
I'm not sure why it affects me that way, but it does.
My kids will tell you. If they spit on the grass, cool. There's no good reason why someone should spit on the sidewalk where people walk or in the parking lot where there is a lot of foot traffic.
One of the kids once saw one of their friends spit in the trash can and decided to come home and do it. Well, when I went to retrieve something I accidentally tossed, guess what it had landed it?
"Beyoooooooootchwhodafuggspitinthetrashnastymofo!!!" No one owned up to that for months...
Funny thing is, my sister is the exact same way. Her and my brother were a year apart in high school and we lived about a block and a half away from the school (this is before Dad let them drive to school- Yeah, I said drive O_O).
My brother would do nasty stuff to make her throw up. Pretend to find candy on the ground and eat it and whatnot.
One day he discovered that he could string spit almost all the way to the ground and suck it back up and my sister would throw up instantly. I don't know how many times he got away with that one before my mom made him stop.
Well then he would do what we call "gleek" in her direction. Somehow he'd finagle his tongue to spray, like when you bite into corn on the cob.
Once during an argument, I saw a guy hock and spit in his girlfriend's face. I was floored. She didn't even look shocked. It obviously had happened before.
Tell you what...the person that spits in my face, best not go to sleep any time thereafter, in my presence. Not sure what I'd do, but there's an uncontrollable rage that would come.
Miss me with all that.