Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

All That Glitters Ain't Gold...

Some of you might remember this post from 360 and again from Multiply. It's a lesson that never gets old. One that I'll continue to re-post from time to time, in hopes of helping someone else.

I was kind of discouraged that I only get one or two comments on a post, but this weekend was evidence that people read what I write :) Thanks.

If we're close, you might not want to read this. This is a heavy subject and a true story.

I am finally ready to tackle the most hurtful of my relationships. It started one night with the son of a flirty neighbor, some alcohol and a poor excuse of a Halloween costume.

Anyway, I caught the attention of my neighbor’s son who was going to a club with his then wife (I didn’t know it and neither of them said anything). He must have talked to me for at least 30 minutes with her standing right there (I guess the epitome of trust was there).

Anyway, a few weeks later he came to my house and we sat up talking until about 2 in the morning and he ended up sleeping on my couch.

We would talk for awhile every day and I got sucked in by his charisma. One day he came over to the house clearly upset and crying because his little brother had gotten killed during a drug deal gone bad. I listened to him, let him cry ended up attending the funeral with him.

We got pretty close in the couple of months after that and he’d spent the night a few times, so when I moved, it was no big deal that it happened more frequently. After a few more months I told him he might as well just move in, so he did. He’d gained my complete trust.

Everything was cool the first 6 months, no arguing, he was working, contributing half his check to the household expenses, real cool…Then I found out he was still married….His ex called and wanted him to keep the kids over the weekend. They got into it and she called me back a little later and informed me that he wasn’t divorced, simply separated. That should have made me run then, but I didn’t. Didn’t see it as a problem, he was where he wanted to be, right?

Anyway, long story short, in the next few months his true colors came out only I was already sucked in by him and didn’t see what was right before me. He was an insecure, lying, cheating, abusive, alcoholic.

Nearly a year passed and I was invited to Chi-town for a new year’s party with some friends from college and I invited him too. He didn’t want to go and when I got there my guy friends who are more like brothers to me and my special friend, the only one from school that I had somewhat of a relationship with, treated me so much better than I’d been treated at home that I didn’t want to go back.

I came back home and the following weekend caught him in a few lies and found proof or I should say I heard proof that he was cheating **Note** Fellas, READ the directions when you get your cell phones so your girl doesn’t have to set up your voicemail….DUH!

I told him he had 2 weeks to get out. Well those 2 weeks became two weeks from hell and in the meantime, online I’d met the sweetest person who constantly told me I deserved better, not necessarily him, but better.

G.G. turned into one of the most evil demons on earth. He’d threaten me, dog me out verbally, play mental games (actually he’d done that all along, but it was starting to become clear that’s what he’d been doing). I realized that I was scared to death of him and when he became physically and sexually abusive (no better way to show your love to your girl than raping her in the comfort of your home) I put him out period. That’s when he told me he’d put boric acid in one of my drinks hoping to make me miscarry just in case I was pregnant. I told him he had until the end of the day to get someone to come get his stuff or it would be in the yard. Ain’t pride something else? I really didn’t want my neighbors or anyone else to know…

A few weeks later, he called me at around 11 pm and said he’d gotten a ride from a club and wanted to talk to me. I told him I was sleep and didn’t want to talk. He said he’d gotten dropped off at my house and he was calling from the porch and it was raining. I told him he’d better get off the phone and call back the person who’d dropped him off. I hung up on him and took the phone off the hook.

I woke up and this negro was standing over me watching me sleep! I have no idea how he got in the house to this day. Nothing was broken into and everything was locked up. All I could think of was whether this idiot had done something to my kids in the next room. I had 9-1-1 on speed dial, but I’d had the phone off the hook, so there was no dial tone. I can honestly say I didn’t think I’d make it through the night. To make things worse, the guy I’d been talking to as friends, had a picture I really liked and I’d printed it out and it was on my headboard. That didn’t sit real well either.

I eventually talked him into leaving by telling him I’d hit the speed dial and the police were coming and he left. I called 9-1-1 as I checked on my kids. They were fine and I called my friend and got hysterical when it really hit me how things could have ended. He stayed on the phone with me until the police arrived.

They sent several cars out looking for him and they couldn’t find him. I ended up getting an order of protection from him and got rid of everything in the house that reminded me of him. I had no bed, no table, no living room furniture, nothing. I’d rather start over again.

He had to be watching me for awhile because he’d "coincidentally" be at the store the same time I was there and little things like that, but he eventually left me alone. I found out later that my father had seen him at a bus stop and snuck up on him and very quietly whispered a few words to him. A few years went by and I didn’t hear from him.

Unfortunately, at the time, I had a very easy to remember work number and it “popped” into his head one day and he decided to invite me and the kids out to dinner because he missed us. Yeah, right.

I let him speak his piece because I figured that if I didn’t, it was possible that he might show up and I definitely didn’t want that. He wanted me to think about getting back together. Sure, hold your breathe and I’ll be right there.

I said all that to say this, God protects children and fools. Know He’s got your back when you don’t even have your own…..He gave me a wonderful and caring friend who I love very much, in the process and has given me the realization that some of the things I go through and think are monumental are nothing at all compared to what He’s brought me through.


Mahoganydymond said...

I almost thought we were in the same relationship with the same person.. Until I saw the initials... Men know how to get us don't they.. I went through that back in my early 20's.. A married man that I didn't know was married.. Spent 3 years with him until one day his WIFE came to MY HOUSE and cut up all my clothes and him...

I am glad you made it out safe... Thanks for sharing...

Afrodeezha said...

Thanks Sis. Unfortunately most of us have at least 1 story to tell...

Misfit said...

the story is always the same.. they all start off as wolves in sheep's clothing.. smh

Da_Kween said...

I'm glad you shared your story...seems like you did what I did...put it off.

I knew I had to tell my story b/c of this month's importance, but it's a hard thing to share.

I'm grateful that you survived...otherwise I wouldn't have such a wonderful woman to call SIStar! Love you :)