Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Friday, October 22, 2010

For The Parents -Serious Subject matter

Did you happen to catch Tyler Perry on Oprah the other day?

I didn't. I don't make it a habit to watch Oprah. I wish I had that day though, just to hear his story.

I've heard several people who are not TP fans, say that they have some clarity now about why women are portrayed the way they are in his movies.

From what I understand, he was molested by both men and women (or a woman) at a young age.

You may or may not be surprised to hear how many men that has happened to.

I have many male friends and the majority of them feel very comfortable sharing things with me and I will say that at least 97% of who I've discussed this with, were sexually abused by a babysitter or neighbor.

Only they didn't call it that. They called it their first piece or losing their virginity. As a mother of two sons, I call it rape and if I'd ever found that it had happened to mine, well, Nancy Grace would be talking about the angry mother who...well, who knows what I would do? I know it wouldn't be pretty.

I remember I used to get mad because I could rarely spend the night at any of my friend's houses. Shoot, for all that, I could rarely go ANYWHERE.

I remember asking if I could go to the skating rink either my Jr. or Sr. year and my mom said yes, I could go, but my curfew was at 10. Man, skating started at like 8. I just didn't go. There was no point. I'm convinced though that if I'd had that kind of freedom, I'd be a grandmother now, like many of my friends.

Anyway, back to the point. I rarely went anywhere that my children couldn't go and as a result of that, my kids often had issues feeling comfortable with other children. I knew where they were though.

Now that I think about it, other than my family and day care, the only two babysitters they ever had was my younger cousin and one of my sister's best friends and I didn't leave my kids with anyone (except day care) until they could talk and tell me when something was wrong.

My son and his best friend have been best friends since 1st grade. It's just been in the last 3-4 years that he's been allowed to sleep over and he's 13. He sleeps over so much now, that my place is his 2nd home, LOL.

Nothing against his friend's parents, but I had to get to a place where I was comfortable with them and comfortable about him going there. We got to really know each other when the boys played basketball. That's when I learned just how alike our parenting styles were.

My oldest never really had friends like that, so he stuck with me. Only in the last year has he really started staying overnight at a friend's house. He's 18.

Maybe I made them miss out on some things. I don't really care. My concern was more for their safety and I still think I made good choices.

I tell you what, I always remember saying that when I grew up, I wasn't going to be anything like my mother. Well, I am a lot different, but I'm glad she instilled some things in me.

I wrote the poem below, a few months ago. It was heavy on my heart that day.

Precious cargo
Entrusted to few
Are you aware of what's gotten by you?

You paid her to care
for your little one
unknowing she's where
the abuse had begun.

He was under 15
and she knew he was clean

untouched by any "hers"
even though he was unsure
of what she was doing, really meant.

His friend (that he told)
said it was heaven-sent
to have a woman's touch
to experience such things as a grown man does.

She touched him "there"
made him aware of what a hard d**k gets.
At first he was scared, thought she would bite
when she took him into her mouth that night

he didn't get that his mama would kill her
if she knew her baby was used as a "thriller".

She told him it was all right
and used him as her toy
beginning that night, he was no longer a boy.

Fast forward several years
the conquests he's had, instead of tears.

He brags about getting started so early
but if he really looked inside himself, then surely
he would realize what she took from him
was more than virginity.

Fucked his mind up on thoughts of unity
with the right one, a breach of his trust.

In order to be happy with one woman,
he must face his demon
and grow past the hurt
and bury those memories under the dirt.

These things happen much more than you think
to hear these stories, your heart will sink.

Have second thoughts about who you choose
to have around your babies...

Someone's experiment
someone's toy
is not what you want for your baby boy

Unpublished work © 2010 D. Newman


daMonstah said...

I didn't watch Tyler Perry on Oprah either DeAnna as I hardly ever watch Oprah's show.
Not that I have any against her but it's just not my thing. But I did hear about it and dare I say it sounded awful. Thank God that Tyler let that out as I'm sure the pain he has inwardly must be unbearable. What I heard is that he was abused sexually by someone and physically by his father. I also heard that he "came out" after his mom was deceased as to not cause her pain.
I'm not sure how true that is but it's noble if it is true.
In regards to what you so eloquently blogged about it's true. I too experienced something with a babysitter that I shouldn't have and I was nine. Unbeknowest to me is the effect it might have on me to some degree later. In my teens I did some things with young ladies I have to think came about as the result of that earlier encounter with that babysitter.
My sisters(I have two) and they weren't allowed to do a whole lot of "going" either. I understand why now although I didn't then.
It can be said that young men...contrary to what a lot of us think...are vulnerable as well to abusers and we really don't have a clue as to what harm this is doing to us psychologically either. Now my case is in no way comparable to Tyler Perry's but I can understand better what he might be going through. I think to some degree I can relate.

Afrodeezha said...

Thank you for your comment. I got a phone call from a friend who read my poem and he wondered how I knew.

It hurt to hear the pain in his voice, but he also made me feel like I'd given him his voice. He plans to show his mother my poem and tell her that's his story.

I wish I could hug all the hurt away, but I hope what I've written helps others talk about what they've always held in.

~Cy~ said...

Dee, I let my daughters (twins) sleep over once and that was at one of the single woman at my church house and she lived in the same neighborhood as me. She was having a sleepover with some of the youth girls at the church...I do not believe in letting my children do the sleepovers..I guess I am over protective b/c I realize it takes that ONE time to totally change a child's life.

My parents also didn't allow me to spend the night over folks home. She used to say, their "parents" may be good but I don't know who is allowed to go in and out of that home. I didn't understand as a child but I so understand now. I am so grateful for my mother for protecting us like that.

Awesome poem and great blog. I have to check the rest of the site out...:)

Afrodeezha said...

Cyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! Thank you for coming by! *pouting* I miss the closeness of 360.

Mahoganydymond said...

I watch Oprah almost everyday... I am a Big Tyler Perry Fan.. So when I found out he was going to be on the show.. I was glued to the set and also had to have my tissue.. I cried and I cried.. People just don't understand how this can effect a child's life.. I don't think I was molested when I was young, but I was raped at 12.. I blocked half of my chidhood..

I just don't understand how someone could harm a child.. I don't have kids, but I do understand where you are coming from.. My grandmother was the same way. I couldn't do anything.. My mother let me do somethings but if my granny found out.. My mother would get it...

In quoting from your poem...

"he must face his demon
and grow past the hurt
and bury those memories under the dirt."

I know this all to well...

Good entry.. thanks...