What Do I Know?

The other day, my 18 year old asked me if he was gay, would I still love him.

I asked him what one had to do with the other?

He assured me that he wasn't and went on about his business.

I know what was on his mind though, because it's been on mine too. All these gay teens committing suicide hurts my heart.

I know most parents would die inside if their child came to them with that. Some would disown them. If either of my sons came out to me, we'd deal with it together. I'd tell them that I still loved them and God did too, despite what most "church folk" said. Nowhere have I ever seen that God doesn't like homosexuals. I've read that he despises the act, but never the person. I recognize there is a time and place for religious teaching and the time to be a parent sometimes supercedes that. I know some won't agree with me. Do I care?

I feel for those teens. I don't know how they were raised. If they were taught not to care what someone else's opinion of them is or if their parents were always there for them, no matter what.

I don't know if they had someone telling them that they still matter as a person, despite their sexual preference.

I don't know if they had someone praying for them. Note I said praying FOR them, not forcing them to pray it out of them.

I don't know why those other kids who bullied them had such a low self esteem about themselves that they picked on the ones who were confused or maybe sure about who they were.

I don't know if they had parents who taught them that no one is better than any other person and they decided to give in to peer pressure and berate the gay teens.

I don't know what those same teens will do, if one day, one of their children comes out to them.

I just don't know.

What I do know? I've created a relationship with MY children, that they feel comfortable coming to me, no matter what. That even some of their friends feel the same way.

What I do know? No child in my life should ever feel that there are no adults that they can confide in.

What I do know? That adult is me...

For The Parents -Serious Subject matter

Did you happen to catch Tyler Perry on Oprah the other day?

I didn't. I don't make it a habit to watch Oprah. I wish I had that day though, just to hear his story.

I've heard several people who are not TP fans, say that they have some clarity now about why women are portrayed the way they are in his movies.

From what I understand, he was molested by both men and women (or a woman) at a young age.

You may or may not be surprised to hear how many men that has happened to.

I have many male friends and the majority of them feel very comfortable sharing things with me and I will say that at least 97% of who I've discussed this with, were sexually abused by a babysitter or neighbor.

Only they didn't call it that. They called it their first piece or losing their virginity. As a mother of two sons, I call it rape and if I'd ever found that it had happened to mine, well, Nancy Grace would be talking about the angry mother who...well, who knows what I would do? I know it wouldn't be pretty.

I remember I used to get mad because I could rarely spend the night at any of my friend's houses. Shoot, for all that, I could rarely go ANYWHERE.

I remember asking if I could go to the skating rink either my Jr. or Sr. year and my mom said yes, I could go, but my curfew was at 10. Man, skating started at like 8. I just didn't go. There was no point. I'm convinced though that if I'd had that kind of freedom, I'd be a grandmother now, like many of my friends.

Anyway, back to the point. I rarely went anywhere that my children couldn't go and as a result of that, my kids often had issues feeling comfortable with other children. I knew where they were though.

Now that I think about it, other than my family and day care, the only two babysitters they ever had was my younger cousin and one of my sister's best friends and I didn't leave my kids with anyone (except day care) until they could talk and tell me when something was wrong.

My son and his best friend have been best friends since 1st grade. It's just been in the last 3-4 years that he's been allowed to sleep over and he's 13. He sleeps over so much now, that my place is his 2nd home, LOL.

Nothing against his friend's parents, but I had to get to a place where I was comfortable with them and comfortable about him going there. We got to really know each other when the boys played basketball. That's when I learned just how alike our parenting styles were.

My oldest never really had friends like that, so he stuck with me. Only in the last year has he really started staying overnight at a friend's house. He's 18.

Maybe I made them miss out on some things. I don't really care. My concern was more for their safety and I still think I made good choices.

I tell you what, I always remember saying that when I grew up, I wasn't going to be anything like my mother. Well, I am a lot different, but I'm glad she instilled some things in me.

I wrote the poem below, a few months ago. It was heavy on my heart that day.



Untitled
Precious cargo

Entrusted to few

Are you aware of what's gotten by you?

You paid her to care

for your little one

unknowing she's where

the abuse had begun.

He was under 15

and she knew he was clean

untouched by any "hers"

even though he was unsure

of what she was doing, really meant.

His friend (that he told)

said it was heaven-sent

to have a woman's touch

to experience such things as a grown man does.

She touched him "there"

made him aware of what a hard d**k gets.

At first he was scared, thought she would bite

when she took him into her mouth that night

he didn't get that his mama would kill her

if she knew her baby was used as a "thriller".

She told him it was all right

and used him as her toy

beginning that night, he was no longer a boy.

Fast forward several years

the conquests he's had, instead of tears.

He brags about getting started so early

but if he really looked inside himself, then surely

he would realize what she took from him

was more than virginity.

Fucked his mind up on thoughts of unity

with the right one, a breach of his trust.

In order to be happy with one woman,

he must face his demon

and grow past the hurt

and bury those memories under the dirt.

These things happen much more than you think

to hear these stories, your heart will sink.

Have second thoughts about who you choose

to have around your babies...

Someone's experiment

someone's toy

is not what you want for your baby boy

Unpublished work © 2010 D. Newman