The Madness

This is a piece I did back in January 2008. At that time I only shared with a couple of people. I'm becoming a little more confident in the work I've done.

I still never see myself getting paid for it, but I hope you enjoy.

************************************************************

I love you.

I hate you .

I don't understand you.

I want to be everything you are to me.

but

you won't let me...

You said you loved me

but you stifled me.

Wouldn't allow me to see

what I meant to you.

If I meant to you...

I wanted no other,

and there were many brothers

(and sistas)

who wanted what I offered you.

I shared my sorrows,

I shared my joys

you made me feel like a toy

you played with

when the time was right.

I loved you with all my might,

didn't I?

Now I'm not so sure,

even though I seek the cure

for a broken heart.

Maybe your denial is my start.

You can remove me from your life, see

but you can never take that part of me

that refuses to let go of memories

of you.

1/28/08

Unpublished work © 2008 D. Newman

Saturday in the Park

I'm a big Chicago fan and this is one of their songs that I know the real words to...well some of them.

On a day like today, it should have been a perfect afternoon to spend in the park. NOT. It's approximately 46 degrees and windy.

What the hell is going on? Oh well, can't control it.

The past few weeks, I've been dealing with some internal things. Changed my way of thinking toward some folks and come to the realization that in this world, it really does come down to just being you and God.

It's a hard lesson, but I think sooner or later people go through things and look for the people who they've been there for, to return the favor. If that happens, great for you. In my mind, what happened to me is this: I am walking down an aisle and pleading my case to every person who I considered my support group. While I'm talking, everyone is looking away and avoiding eye contact.

This big ball of light is bouncing right along side of me (God is always there, whether we choose to recognize that or not).

Scattered amongst my "support group" are some random people I know. Some I'd call friends, others just associates. Those friends and associates are looking me dead in my eyes, patting me on the back and handing me phone numbers and saying to call them when I need them.

Well I did call those people and they did help me. That ball of light was constant. What has me all fucked up is that the ones I share DNA with were not part of those. Not a single one.

I admit there was a little bitterness. I'm getting over it though, whatever their reasons were, it's all good. I'm learning that those who were there for you in one part of your life isn't necessarily going to always be there. Just like some friendships have sunsets, so do some family relationships.

Lesson learned.