Why?

It's a question we hear a lot if we have children. It's a question a lot of people ask God.

I briefly thought of asking Him last night, but I don't know if I really want to know, it doesn't matter. It won't bring this friend back.

I went to dialysis last night as I normally do.  I'd just been chilling, listening to music instead of tv.  Of course I was listening to Urbansoulz radio.

The lights had been turned out and most of the patients were asleep.

I noticed ahead of me, that (my favorite) tech was talking to the guy who had spoken to me earlier.  He was just out of my view, but across the room from me. I paid no attention at first, then I heard her call his name several times. I never heard him answer though. She said his name repeatedly and finally yelled for the nurse on duty.

Sometimes on dialysis, a person's blood pressure gets too low and they basically pass out. I thought this was what had happened. Soon I could see what looked like chest compressions. Then I got concerned.

I prayed.

Then I saw a defib machine. I prayed some more.

I thought man, I'm gonna give him a hard time when he comes in next time, causing all this trouble.

See, this was one of the first guys I dialyzed with, ever.  Three years we'd talked football trash.

Somehow though, after the fire department came in and took over, I wasn't looking at them working on my friend, I was looking at them working on my son's father.

It was the exact scene, just 14 years later.  Soon it was the fire department and the EMT's.  Everyone was scurrying around, doing everything they could to get a response.

I went back and forth in my head, from the dialysis center, to the house.  Seeing them do everything possible to bring positive results.

Finally everything not so urgent, preparing a lifeless body to be transported to the hospital.

Soon everything quiet again.

Quiet tears being shed. Realizing just how easily that could have been me.  Thanking God it wasn't.  Still...just like last time...yearning for someone to come in and say that everything is alright.

Never seeing that person.

14 years later, reliving it again...

I'm glad I'm not the same person I was.

Standing on my soapbox

Today I have something I need to say. I also need as many as possible to repost this somewhere that 25 and under can read it. My heart hurts for the children who have no guidance. What kind of world has this become? Word on the street is that it's the kind of world that one would allegedly stab a child, stomp a child and rob him of the contents of his pockets as he is dying.

There is extreme jealousy and somehow people feel entitled to whatever someone else has, no matter how trivial.

I posted the following a day or so ago on Facebook:

To all the 25 and under I'm connected to...Let what happened last night be your motivation to do better. These people out in the streets don't care about you, your Boo or your baby.

Let this motivate you to go to school, find a trade or something. It's not about clubbing, getting that money or having those Jordans. It's about living a life that you can enjoy, that you look forward to doing things and thanking the Lord for blessing you the way He has.

Ladies, when you have these babies young, you are still mama, not sister. Stop letting the little ones do what they want. You don't beat em, but you give them rules. Cussing babies, little boys with earrings, doing what you can so your babies can have the newest kicks and name brand clothes and you're eating noodles and hot dogs, is not cute, nor is it cool.

Stop letting them see you act a fool with your friends or your man. Stop letting them see you drunk or high. Stop letting them hear you argue with whoever.

When you had that baby, it was time to grow up. If your babydaddy doesn't want to be one, let him keep moving and raise your baby alone. You aren't the first, you won't be the last. I'm sure you know someone who you think is/was a good single mama. Talk to them, ask questions. Maybe your mama wasn't a good one. Maybe she didn't have anyone to ask. Be different.

Fellas, ************ is not your friend. I've observed that very few men have grown up in *********, stayed here and been successful. Very few.

It seems like even if they left for a semester, and saw there was more to life than **********, when they came back, they knew they wanted to strive for better.

It's true there's mayhem wherever you go. At least somewhere else, your past doesn't dictate your future. Elsewhere you can create a new you. No one knows you used to be a basketball star or constantly skipping school.

Something has to change.

Let it be you. You can do better.



Now you can enter Anytown USA and the message Will still apply.

The next message is a repost of a friend of mine who used to be in the streets:


Wow, to watch my kids open their gifts and to see them smile made my feel thankful, I wouldnt trade it for the world, and to give up that life of hustling that almost jepordised these moments was selfish and foolish, I thank God who rescued me and showed me what family truly is, if he can give his only son I can at least be there for my family, the duffle bags of bread and all the work in the world can not compare to my family, All praise to God...because I still live the same lifestyle but I work legally to get it ! Thanks for the second and third chance to get it right !

Procrastinating and other stuff

That's what mode I'm in right now...

Our office is moving in exactly one week and my motivation has come to a standstill.

It's really pitiful, because I don't even have that much left to pack. I just hate packing.

I have been shredding/recycling old files and it has gotten me into a tossing mode which is great for home. I have papers and papers at home that I can't just throw away because they have addresses on them. I feel I must shred them.

I wish I could just rent one of those trucks that shred on the spot. Man, one of those and a small dumpster for a week? *thinking ahead to spring*

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could do that with life? Toss the issues and situations we don't want, in the dumpster? Oh, we kind of can to an extent, can't we? There really is no point in carrying around stressful situations you can't do anything about...give it to God and let Him KEEP it!

I'm still learning.

Anyway, I'm fighting sleep and thought I'd come by and shoot the breeze a bit.

Oh and the catheter finally comes out tomorrow morning!

Love, Peace and Urbansoul!

19 Shopping Days until Christmas

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When you finish shopping, come check us out at www.urbansoulz.com

World AIDS Day 2011

Know your status.

If you have the opportunity, read the stories of two AIDS activists living with AIDS.

Educated, attractive, assertive and ambitious are just a few of the words used to describe Rae Lewis-Thornton. In 1986, during a routine blood drive visit at a Washington D.C. Red Cross, Rae received news of another word that would soon be used to describe her health and future. At the tender age of 23, Rae Lewis-Thornton was diagnosed HIV Positive.

I vividly remember when I first learned of Rae. She was on the cover of Essence magazine. I never forgot her name and I never forgot her story.

She and others like her have played a HUGE part of how I accepted and share my journey with kidney disease.

Rae's got a blog Rae Lewis-Thornton
you can follow her on Twitter @raelt and she's got a Facebook page.

The next young lady I remember at the age of six, being in the HIV/AIDS awareness video that Magic Johnson did back in the 80's, A Conversation with Magic Johnson” on Nickelodeon.

Hydeia was born with HIV, so she hasn't known any other life.

The world has seen her grow from a gifted little girl to a 26 year old woman with a passion and mission to make sure each and everyone of us is aware of our HIV status as well as the status of our sexual partners.

Hydeia has a site Hydeia Broadbent
she's also on Twitter @HydeiaBroadbent and Facebook.