Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Thursday, August 27, 2015

I'm Tired

This isn't about working. This isn't about dialysis (well, I AM tired of that. Donor where are you?) What I am tired of is people having an attitude or not accepting that I am who I am.

I have been on this earth nearly 47 years and for 40 of those years, I stifled myself because there were people who never have accepted the spirited person that I am. Things I wanted to say and do, I mostly didn't, in order to meet approval that to be honest, has never really come.

I have always heard "You need to...", "Why don't you...", "you should...", things of that nature. Never once have I heard "that's nice, but if you try this, it might be even better" or "I really like the way you..."I mean really, no one does EVERYTHING wrong. I've had more acceptance from people online, who I didn't even know at first.

When I turned 40, I decided I was tired of this attempting to please shit that wasn't getting me anything but stressed and depressed. That's what happens when you try to please others, you know. You don't allow yourself to just be and just like some people will read what you post/tweet/IG and keep coming back each day because it's great advice, but they refuse to hit that "like" or "retweet" button just because it's you, people will refuse to give you any validation or positive reinforcement. I've learned to not to give a second thought to what people think about me. I honestly don't care, if I'm true to me...

So again, unapologetically, I stopped doing what others expected me to do and I began to be true to myself. I was truthful instead of sugarcoating. I wasn't purposely hurtful, but sometimes people really don't get it when you give them the light version.

Then I met this guy...he isn't hurtful, but I guarantee if you're doing something that paints yourself in a dimmer light than he sees you, he will straight up tell you about it. Yeah, I get pissed at him sometimes, but 9 out of 10, when I actually analyze, he's right.

Truth. That is something everyone claims they want, but when some folks get it, they can't handle it. So anyone who knows me, knows what happens next. I tell you the truth, you get pissed. Well don't worry about me trying to say much more than hi and bye after that.

I'm not a malicious person and if I see you in a situation where I think it could end up bad, I'll try to talk to you. If you don't want to hear me, good luck. On that same note, if you see me doing something or looking a certain way, come to me straight and don't try to hem haw around. That's just going to make me mad. If you come AT me as opposed to talking TO me, know that I've shut you out as soon as I felt the attitude.

Life is hard enough without trying to decipher the things that people "try to say without really saying". Just speak up!

And let me be

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