Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Homie, Other, Friend: Is it my destiny?

Seems like my life's destiny is to be a homie, other, friend. The song calls it homie, lover, friend and I once had someone call me that exact thing about a month before he threw me under the relationship bus.

Anyway, a homie, other, friend is what I feel I am. It seems that all I find are one sided relationships, but I find the greatest male friends who seem to depend on me to be their "emotional girlfriend".

I'm the one that so many of my male friends can open up to. The one they can share their innermost feelings to and I won't look at them any differently.

What some of these conversations have caused however, is for me to see the true person they are and I really dig that person. It leaves me wanting more...I have opened up to some of these friends and I've really fallen for them.

A couple that I've had a connection with are so strong, it was like we're one. To have a connection with someone so strong is an awesome thing. In my mind, it's the kind of thing soulmates are made of, except....

The feelings are never mutual.

Where that leaves me many times, is feeling emotionally robbed.

I've got to find a happy medium or stop opening myself up to this kind of hurt because it's causing me to question myself. To wonder what's wrong with me, that I'm not worthy of a whole relationship?

I have prayed about it, wondering if perhaps this is what I'm supposed to do professionally.

Still waiting to hear on that.

I've also prayed about what it is I'm doing or not doing, that I haven't been blessed with one of these "soulmate" relationships of my own. Still waiting on that one too.

It sure hurts though, so I guess until I get an answer I'll just guard my heart a little more...


Thee_Kween said...

You know I know how you feel...that feeling that you're entrusted with the most precious and naked parts of them only for them to choose to be with someone else. My only solution for self has been to cut my "new" friendships with men to a minimum. If we're not already cool...too bad. I think we're too old to be creating new found platonic friendships...I just can't anymore.

Continue praying sis...I'm sure God's answer for YOU will be revealed if it hasn't already.

Misfit said...

Thats what they call an unGodly soul tie... and thats never any good.

Afrodeezha said...

I know Keys, I know...

Misfit, I thought that Soul Ties were just those connections bound by sex? I could be wrong.

These are not that type of relationship.