Sunday, February 19, 2012
Homie, Other, Friend: Is it my destiny?
Seems like my life's destiny is to be a homie, other, friend. The song calls it homie, lover, friend and I once had someone call me that exact thing about a month before he threw me under the relationship bus.
Anyway, a homie, other, friend is what I feel I am. It seems that all I find are one sided relationships, but I find the greatest male friends who seem to depend on me to be their "emotional girlfriend".
I'm the one that so many of my male friends can open up to. The one they can share their innermost feelings to and I won't look at them any differently.
What some of these conversations have caused however, is for me to see the true person they are and I really dig that person. It leaves me wanting more...I have opened up to some of these friends and I've really fallen for them.
A couple that I've had a connection with are so strong, it was like we're one. To have a connection with someone so strong is an awesome thing. In my mind, it's the kind of thing soulmates are made of, except....
The feelings are never mutual.
Where that leaves me many times, is feeling emotionally robbed.
I've got to find a happy medium or stop opening myself up to this kind of hurt because it's causing me to question myself. To wonder what's wrong with me, that I'm not worthy of a whole relationship?
I have prayed about it, wondering if perhaps this is what I'm supposed to do professionally.
Still waiting to hear on that.
I've also prayed about what it is I'm doing or not doing, that I haven't been blessed with one of these "soulmate" relationships of my own. Still waiting on that one too.
It sure hurts though, so I guess until I get an answer I'll just guard my heart a little more...