Thoughts on Family

I know I'm in the middle of a challenge, but I have been mulling something in my head for a couple of days now. I'm so big on family and would love to be close to my extended family, but we just aren't. I have tried. We keep in touch for awhile and eventually we drift in to our own worlds. Often I have been the one to step forward in an attempt to be closer. It's no one's fault, it just doesn't happen. I'm sad to say this represents both sides of the family. It's also sad to say that behavior plays a huge part of this solidarity. When people behave in a certain manner, I lose interest in wanting to fraternize with them *shrug*. The real shame in not being close to my dad's side is that they are amazingly strong to me. I don't know that they even realize it. I mean, my grandmother died at 37, leaving my grandfather to raise 6 kids. Well, my dad was 17 and his brother 18, but the 3 girls were still at home. He didn't remarry until his kids were all grown. He lost his baby girl a few years after my grandmother. Fast forward 30 something years and he lost another daughter and now this year a son. They all lost so many immediate family members and yet they are still able to function from day to day... I'm proud that I come from a family with so much strength, I just wish we were closer...

20~ Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not?

I do, but not for too long. I believe that when two people are HONEST about who they are and what they want from a relationship, they can truly connect and fall in love via texts and internet messages. A couple that really wants things to work out, will make arrangements to see each other every so often and if the relationship is to go anywhere, someone will eventually need to relocate. The advantage a long distance/internet relationship has is that you can get to know each other without the distraction of sex. Many people have sex too soon in a relationship and the relationship ends up being based on that. It's not easy, but it can be done if both parties want it enough.

19~ What do you love to do the most?

I love to spend time with family and friends. I wish my extended family was close, but as long as I have my immediate family and close friends, I'm good. I am tracing my family roots, which has proven to be interesting too. I also love to travel. I've had to slow down tremendously since I started dialysis. I mean, I could travel pretty much anywhere in the US and find a treatment center, but I'm not fond of people unfamiliar with me, sticking me and I have been bitten by the international bug, I want to GO places!

18~ Have you ever been in a love triangle...with you as the object of desire?

Well actually... Not too far from this time last year, I was in love with someone who saidd they loved me, but wasn't IN love with me and someone else was IN love with me, who I loved. He didn't want me like that and I didn't want her like that. I'm no longer in contact with either of them.

17~ Do you think young people can fall in love and it be true?

I would say that no, young people don't really know what love is, but then I'd be remiss in acknowledging all the couples that my parents graduated with, that have been together for 40+ years. Especially the ones that started dating in middle school. So, I will say this, it can happen, but it's rare.

16~ Do you believe in love at first sight?

No I don't...I believe that you can fall in love with someone's looks at first sight, but there is no way possible that you can fall in love with someone without having an inkling of who they are. Just my opinion.

15~ Can you live without a love relationship?

Not forever. I have done without an "official" love relationship for a year now, but that doesn't mean I've been without love. In fact, I think I've been given more love in the past year than in a LONG time. The difference is, I think, that it was pure love, real love. I don't want anything in return love. I'm not trying to get the panties love. It is some "I know you did that, but it's ok, people make mistakes, get over it, I know this is hard but you can get through it and I'll be right by you" kind of love. I'm actually 98% sure I'm IN love, the more I ponder the questions of this challenge. Time will tell. And it's not who folks who know me will likely assume it is either... So can I live without a love relationship? No, not one like this. Why would I want to?

14~ Recreate your most romantic date (a real one)...

**Laughs incessantly**

13~ Do you believe in unconditional love?

I believe that there is always at least one condition that could make you not love someone. Then again, you can't help who you love or how hard you love them. I guess someone could do something that would make you not like them, but it is very possible to not like who they are, but still love them deep down.

12~ Do you believe in zodiac compatibility? Who is your best match from experience? You worst?

12~ Do you believe in zodiac compatibility? Who is your best match from experience? You worst?

11~ Whom (no names, if you prefer) did you love, who didn't love you back?

Honestly, those I loved who said they loved me probably did, for whatever their definition of love was. (With the exception of one who couldn't have possibly loved me.) What they failed to do is love me like I needed to be loved. I'm not real complicated,I don't just want that special someone to love me, I want him to be IN love with me. There's a difference.

10~ List 10 people you love and explain what they mean to you

Wow...10 people. I don't think I was able to come up with 10 the last time. I don't know that I will this time either... Let's just start by eliminating family. Obviously I love them. 1. Probably no surprise to anyone who knows me...Dante. What does he mean to me? Everything. He is love in motion. He's my best friend. My confidant. My rock. When I can't be strong, he's strong for me and I'm all these (I hope) to him. He makes me want to be a better person. He doesn't make me feel ashamed of who I've been and we can be SILLY as all get out. We have so much fun. I truly love that man. 2. Kali...She is also love in motion, one of my closest friends. My Capricorn sister. When I think of the word love, I think of her. We became friends through an ex. We don't talk every day, may not talk every week. When we need each other, we instinctively get in touch. Yeah, she's one of THOSE friends. We can feel when one needs the other. Kali is SO creative! Writing, drawing, creating. I just love her to pieces! 3. April...I know I said no family, but April is my cousin and my friend. She grew up in Philly and we were adults before we really got to spend time together. She has come and sat with me for numerous operations. Our kids are close and I love it. April is my Ace, though we don't hang out like we should. Yep, that's my Apey-woo... 4. Sgt. AJ gives me life! This brotha...I met him back on Blackplanet and he is on a constant quest for greatness. He is determined to leave a legacy for his children. AJ is one of the most positive people I've ever known. Always imparting wisdom to the masses, LOL. Seriously, he's smart, spiritual, always tries to be positive and nearly always smiling. I love this dude and I tell him so. 5. My big little brother Sonny we're the same height, dang near the same age, but he thinks he's my Daddy and he's only 2 days older than I am LOL! We have been friends since high school and went to college together and he took it upon himself to be my overseer. I was there when he had his baby and when she had her baby. We cuss each other out on a regular, just because, but I love this one to pieces too. 6. My Skillet, as in Home Skillet. We share a birthday. We used to date. We're not anywhere near as close as we used to be, we just kind of grew apart. I still love him dearly. He's a great guy who deserves a great woman and I hope that he finds her soon. I'm also getting to know his sister via Facebook. They are both just genuinely great people to know. 7. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that first love...No, not the one who cheated, but the real #1... We've been in touch the past couple of years and we've had a chance to see how we've matured. Where we really didn't communicate back then, we do now and I can't help but think about the "what ifs" sometimes. That's neither here nor there though. We've each moved on, but if the relationship wasn't horrible and you just part ways, there's always a part of you that will love that person. 8. I have to say that I absolutely love my Urbansoulz family! There is a core group that I'm more close to than others and I'm crazy about 'em. They treat you like family is supposed to. Encourage you when you need encouragement. Lift you in prayer when you're down. Listen when you need an ear and the rest of the time they keep you laughing. That site is something else. It's a different caliber of people. If you don't know what love feels like, you will when they finish with you. I won't call names, but those I love like family know it. That's about it...I may think of someone later, but I'm going to go with this answer.

9~ Tell us about the first time you ever made love (not had sex)

There was this one time, at band camp.... Heh, not gonna happen.

8~ Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?

Most definitely not. You can love many people, but the one person that has your heart? There won't be room for anyone else. Hmmmm....I need to re-analyze some things.

7~ Have you ever been deeply in love? Explain

I have been in love a couple of times, but deeply in love? Maybe for what I knew about love at the time. Perhaps love as a noun, but love as a verb? That's pretty new to me. I think the difference is that I was in deep like with myself for such a long time, that I didn't really know how to love me. If I didn't know how to love me, how could I love someone else? I'm still learning about love. Maybe we always learn about it, I don't know. What I know about love now though, makes me question love in the past. Well, maybe not, but it definitely makes me say "what I knew about love at the time"... Say what you will about Lil Wayne, but this song is truth... Lil Wayne - How To Love (OFFICIAL VIDEO) by vjarmanisuits