Just my thoughts...

Just my thoughts...
The randomness that is I

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Words can hurt or heal. What did yours do today?

After all that was swirling in my head the other day, this hit me like a ton of bricks today.

It all began with someone saying I was smart.

I mean I know I'm smart, I just forget it sometimes...

Let me explain. All my life, I've been an average student, an above average speller, and a horrible math student, but overall, I felt like I wasn't anything special either way and fit in with most people.

Then there was this person...

I don't know if he seems like such a monster to me because I allowed him to change me or if he really was one.

Anyway, up until this person came along, I had my "duh" moments, but for the most part, I kept it moving.

What this person would do though is just attack me verbally out of nowhere. At first I got mad and we would go at it. Then I discovered that if I just didn't say anything, it wouldn't last long. With that though, what he was saying was sinking in instead of bouncing off me and to this day, I slip into periods of feeling as I did when he said them.

He would call me dumb, stupid, idiot...anything to insinuate that I wasn't as smart as he was. The one who couldn't even pass his GED test...

Those words hurt me. It made me feel just like the picture above. Even though I knew they weren't true, after awhile instances would happen and I'd feel exactly that way.

When I started dialysis, (treatment involves removing my blood from my body and putting it back in and it really jumbles your hormones) it started affecting my memory and my comprehension and there are times that I get confused and all I can hear in my head was how stupid I am.

It's amazing to me that with all the praise that a person gets throughout their lives, that it's the negative stuff that seemingly never goes away.

The person that called me smart, probably can't imagine how good that made me feel this morning. They said it at just the right time.

Thank you.

With all that said, think about the way you talk to people. Especially children. Words stay with you for a very long time, if not forever.

Whoever ever said words didn't hurt, was damn lie. Break one of my bones instead. At least over time that will heal...

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